By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life     Psalm 42:8

I was having a discussion with a friend recently about prayer. Through the course of that discussion, we shared our thoughts on what prayer really is. We agreed that often we focus too much on a somewhat transactional understanding of prayer. That is, I ask something of God on behalf of myself or another person. Certainly, there are many aspects to prayer- adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication- the ACTS model- and supplication is only one part.

However, I think that prayer is really about personal spiritual formation. That is, the role of prayer is conforming me into what God has created me to be. Prayer is not about changing God’s mind about anything; it is about changing my mind about everything.

To the extent that I can conform my thinking closer to the way God sees the world, I am being transformed into who he made me to be.

Just a few musings on a cold winter day my friends, be well!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the opportunity to become closer to you in prayer, Amen.

 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives                                                                                                           Genesis 50:20

“Never let a good crisis go to waste.”

Winston Churchill

The above quote is attributed to Winston Churchill. As an aside, if you want the best quotes, check out Churchill, Mark Twain, Yogi Berra, Will Rogers, John Wooden, Dorothy Parker- well the list goes on for me. I’m sure you have your own quotable people. We can learn a lot from these brilliant individuals.

But back to Winston Churchill. The quote above is so full of truth! Every crisis holds within it the makings of a great new beginning- a fresh start at things. Rather than only seeing the negative in the crisis, we need to see it as a wonderful opportunity to grow and start anew.

The word “crisis” is derived from the Latin “crucis” from which we get the words crucial and crux. A crisis literally puts us at a crossroad. Based upon how we approach the crisis, and resolve it, we get some type of resolution. Things cannot stay at a crisis level long before some resolution must be found. Indeed, the longer we stay in crisis, the more stressed and anxious we remain. Crisis begs for some type of resolution.

The key thought here though is that we can embrace the crisis for a healthy positive change. Churchill recognized that the wise person will see beyond the crisis state to a potential resolution- one that can effect a stable future.

Without crisis, we may not get to the place we needed to be.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see past the crisis to a desired future, Amen

And my God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus  Philippians 4:19

 One of the questions that I suggest for my couples counseling clients ask to one another is this: “What do you need right now”, or “what would you like right now”?

The answer could be anything- a hug, time alone, a back rub, silence, a good laugh, dinner at a new restaurant- you get the picture. It could be anything. The point of the interaction is to open up oneself to meeting the needs or desires of the other. Even the question is thoughtful and caring. Moreover, it gets each partner in the mindset of questioning to themselves- “What do I need right now?”, or “What would I really like right now?”

I am not talking about “I’d like to win the lottery”, or “I’d like the Cincinnati Reds to win the pennant” (though I would!). I am talking about small, practical stuff- things that are practical as well as doable right now or very soon.

Getting in touch with such thoughts is helpful, even important. We often don’t really think of these things consciously, and it is good to just get in touch with these practical things that might bring us a little joy.  

So, what do you need, or what might you like right now?

Think about it.

Prayer: Lord, you are the supplier of our needs and we are grateful, Amen

For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
 As a father pities his children,
So the Lord pities those who fear Him.                                                                                                Psalm 103: 11-13

Stop me if you’ve heard this one… on second thought, don’t. I have shared this story in various places and in various ways, but I think it bears repeating. If you haven’t heard it before, so much the better.

Many years ago, my son and I built a pond in our back yard. It was a good one. In fact, it was so good that it was two ponds, with a bog area in between the ponds. As winter approached, we decided that the fish in the smaller, shallower pond would need the depth of the larger pond to survive the winter freeze.

Sometime in November, I took a small net and tried to remove the small fish to transfer them into the larger pond for their own protection. Of course, the little fish did not see the value in that, and they resisted my attempts to catch them with great vigor (and success I might add).

During this escapade, it struck me that people are sort of like those little fish who resisted the change of environment. They were used to the little pond- the only world they knew. To change that would be devastating for them. Of course, my intent was only for their good, their safekeeping.

 I put myself into the mind of God for a moment. “I’m only looking out for their good, and they resist me at every turn”. How must God look at us as we resist change that is only for our benefit? I pitied the plight of the poor fish in their resistance. However, I persisted, and I caught them, transferred them to the larger pond, and they survived the winter ice.

I have used this story at funerals, to point out that final translation to heaven is for good- eternal life. Of course, desiring life, we resist that change with ferocity, and understandably so. But change is often what we need, even when we are resisting it because the present reality is all we know. God knows our need, and he wants the best for us.

Even when we do not fully understand it.

Prayer: Lord, you understand our thinking, and love us, even in our resistance, Amen

May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us;
    establish the work of our hands for us—
    yes, establish the work of our hands.                                                                Psalm 90:17

I was speaking with a client recently about lifelong learning. He mentioned that he had recently taken a course to give him certification in a particular occupation. He had retired just a year or so ago, but he engaged in this educational program, not to earn money in a career, but because he wanted to challenge himself. He wanted to learn and be certified even though he has no plans to earn a living at this endeavor.

My wife, a retired teacher and school counselor, continues to take courses at the University of Dayton because she loves to learn, is curious, and wants to stay relevant and current.

What a great idea! I see this as learning for the sake of learning- learn in order to learn. So often, of course when we are younger, we learn so that we can earn.  Isn’t it refreshing to learn just to learn?

I believe that if in retirement we simply – to use a sports analogy- “dribble out the clock” on life, we are depriving ourselves and others of so much. There is always much to learn, and also to give away!

We are built to keep up our interest in life, even when “retired”, by learning, teaching, writing, volunteering, mentoring- you name it. The old saying “use it or lose it” contains a lot of wisdom.

What do you think?

Prayer: Lord, I believe you have wired us to be useful for as long as we live! Amen

 “Set your mind on things above…” 

from Colossians 3:1-11  

In this passage, Paul is reminding believers who they are. He starts with, “Since you have been raised with Christ…set your mind on things above…”. This is a great reminder that we are different people once we have been raised by Christ’s death and resurrection. Therefore, as children of God, we are to act accordingly. Paul tells us to “put to death what belongs to our earthly nature”. Wow, easier said than done! Actually, there are ways to do that, and we are never perfect at it, but we can only do that with reliance upon the Holy Spirit placed in us when we commit our lives to Christ.

I am reminded of an old Native American saying here. When a younger member of the tribe was asking an elder how to curb the evil intentions of his heart, the young brave described his struggle like there were two competing wolves within him, one evil, and one good. The elder told the young brave, “To keep at bay the evil wolf who would destroy you, simply feed the good wolf. The other will wither and die.”

I love this analogy, because it gives hope for looking toward the good, not just avoiding the evil. “Feed the good wolf” is a good metaphor. We are much more inclined to move toward a good goal than to simply avoid the ugly and painful parts of life. Constantly trying to avoid negative, painful thoughts gives rise to spiritual and emotional exhaustion. Setting our hearts and minds on higher things, positive things, helps us to get out of a cycle of fear and running from evil. We need higher goals and motives to become fulfilled and healthy. God constructed us to be “strivers” not “shrinkers”.

In 3:12 Paul says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” In doing this, we are naturally going toward the healthy lifestyle which will “starve out” the evil inclinations we have.

The holiness rules which are prescribed in this passage are not to be simply taken as a list of forbidden actions, in my estimation. We are to strive toward those actions which will uplift us and others around us. In so doing, we will slowly strangle those evil desires so present within us.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the remedy of your Son. You have called us to a higher place, and you have given us the Spirit to live a life pleasing to you, Amen.  

Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.

Eckhart Tolle

I recently had a discussion with a client about the connection between sadness and anger. She has always had trouble getting in touch with the emotion of sadness, but instead she tends to become irritable and angry when upset with news that would normally elicit sadness.  

Upon further discussion of her history, it made sense that the client had tried to protect herself from sadness by getting in touch with an emotion over which she better understood and felt more control of- anger.

As I discussed this with her, I explained that irritability is often a characteristic of depression. People who are sad or depressed find it easier, or perhaps even more acceptable, to display anger instead. Anger may be more of a protection from the profound sadness that is so frightening for so many people.

We all get sad at times, and we all get angry at times. It is important to take the time and effort to really understand what is taking place in our internal emotional life. Only then can we effectively deal with either of these emotions.

Prayer: Lord, help us to take the time to look honestly and courageously at our emotions, Amen  

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.                                                            Isaiah 55:9

The little statement above, Man plans, God laughs, comes, I understand, from an old Yiddish proverb. Typical of Yiddish proverbs, it is somewhat cynical, but reflective of mankind’s plight of trying to succeed on this earth. Can’t you just see Tevya from Fiddler on the Roof saying those words?

The essence of the proverb, of course, is that the best laid plans of people are always subject to change, even failure. God’s plans are higher than our pans, and he knows the direction of our life, even when we do not know (or even when we think that we do know!).

I think back to my own life, and decision points about my career. So many of the directions that my wife and I took, moving from Cincinnati, then to Dayton, Ohio, and subsequently to Troy, Ohio were already in the works of God’s plan because he could see what we did not see at the time. We regularly marvel at his provision for us, and we are always thankful for those decisions that we made, without really knowing the full story of what might lie ahead. Of course, we never really know the full story of what lies ahead of us.

Trusting that God DOES know is the whole key.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your leading in our lives, Amen

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor                         James 4:10

I saw a couple in marriage counseling recently who were having significant marital problems. They were both from difficult family of origin settings, and both had experienced trauma from a young age. They each had been divorced more than once, and they were both trying to save this marriage from that same fate.

As I heard them out, and heard the pain that they had inflicted upon one another, I said to them, “You have a choice here if you decide to stay together. You can decide to be a “hurter” to one another, or you can be a “helper”. A marriage is supposed to be the place of a soft landing, a safe place. We are meant to be helpers of one another. You have the capacity to help greatly, or hurt deeply. I want you to commit to be the helper to one another”.

There are many resources we can give that can help partners to be that helper. But unless they make the decision to be the “helper”, and not the “hurter”, those tools we have make no difference. Like everything else, we all have choices to make. Those choices are often very difficult choices – ones that involve humility and self-sacrifice. But we do have choices. I cannot make that choice for them, but if they choose the hard path, it can be richly rewarding.

Prayer: Lord, give strength to families that are struggling, Amen

“Violence as a way of achieving racial justice is both impractical and immoral. It is impractical because it is a descending spiral ending in destruction for all. It is immoral because it seeks to humiliate the opponent rather than win his understanding; it seeks to annihilate rather than to convert. Violence is immoral because it thrives on hatred rather than love.”

“Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon, which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

We celebrate today the birth and the impact of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. As I was looking over some of his famous quotes- and rest assured, he was phenomenally quotable- I saw many of those quotes extolling the need and the virtues of non-violence.

How ironic, of course, that this man of avowed non-violence, died at the hands of violence. Indeed, Jesus too preached love and non-violence, and died a violent death. The powerful words of Jesus, Mohandas Ghandi, and Martin Luther King- advocates of non-violence- led them to destruction.

What does this say about society? Those people who have less facility with words, or failure to have a cogent discussion with others, evidently must resort to violence, in their own minds, to be heard. There is an old saying that is humorous, but also contains some seeds of truth. It is said to be a strategy of some attorneys in court cases. It goes like this:

If you have the evidence, pound the evidence. If you have the facts, pound the facts. If you don’t have facts or evidence, pound the table!

Perhaps taken to its logical conclusion, people who feel powerless and who have very few acceptable social outlets, resort to violence in order to feel “heard”.

We see evidence of violent expression all around us. Dr. King and so many other brilliant prophets, have tried over the centuries to plead for true communication to make changes in an unjust world.

Our best tribute to these precious prophets would be to have reasonable discussion of differing points of view to truly hear others, not just to be heard.

As Dr. King said “I have a dream”. He had a dream of a society of people that listened to one another with respect and honorable intentions.

Maybe we all have that dream.

Prayer: Lord, give us ears to hear others, and the courage to act justly, Amen