May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.                                                                                                                                                             Psalm 19:14

I was talking with a couple the other day and we discussed the ways that communication can become troublesome. For them, as with many couples, arguments can escalate when the communication goes too fast. What do I mean by that? In the heat of discussion, which can escalate into argument, partners can get defensive rather quickly if they are feeling attacked. They may also feel defensive if a simmering resentment gets triggered by a careless comment.

In such cases, instant communication can cause instant problems.  The communication process needs to slow down- perhaps with a timeout, or maybe with a decision to write out how they are feeling, instead of trying to say what they mean without proper reflection. In the heat of the moment sometimes, words are said that do not accurately reflect what is meant to be conveyed.

I suggest that they “slow the train down” by pausing, taking a little break, and agreeing to write out their feelings to the other. This process can give time for better, more cognitive responses, not highly emotional ones.  

In some ways, social media has also contributed to the “instant communication, instant problem” dynamic. Quick responses to social media bait can cause all kinds of problems, including anger, hurt, and a response that stays on the internet forever.

If we slow the train down in communication, it can save us a lot of headaches.

Prayer: Lord, let our words be thoughtful and considered, Amen

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.        Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

I often start my counseling sessions with this question: “What was the best thing that happened for you in the past week?” If it had been longer than that since I saw the client, it would be “in the last two weeks”, or the “last month”, etc.

The point here is that I want to start off with some positives in their life. They are already coming to counseling because some things in their life are not going the way that they would like or like they would have imagined. Therefore, I want to start out with a positive or two.

By asking that question, I can also affirm what work they have accomplished, maybe with the homework I gave. I always give homework. You know, the work that will be of lasting help does not come in my office, it comes from using tools we discussed and behaving in different ways with their personal disciplines, or in their relationships with others.  

We can then discuss current concerns or problems that they want to bring forward in counseling. Which brings me to a frequent second question: “What is the best thing we should talk about today?”

I want the client to own the content of the session, so they bring forth the topics. I will, however, ask them how the homework went. Accountability is important for both client and counselor. They are accountable for doing the work we discussed, and I am accountable for having reviewed their file and refreshing my understanding of their goals and progress.

Just a little picture today of my process of counseling. Hope this is encouraging for you as well!

Prayer: Lord, help us to keep positive thoughts in our day, Amen

And so, dear brothers, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living sacrifice, holy—the kind he can accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?  Romans 12:1 (Living Bible)

Today is February 22^nd. Almost everybody remembers it as the birthday of a celebrated hero. I remember it as the birthday of two heroes, both born on February 22, but separated by 179 years. That other hero was my mother, born February 22, 1911. Both of these heroes freely sacrificed for others, and both endured hardships in those acts of service. George Washington has been celebrated worldwide, especially of course in America.

My mother, on the other hand, lived a quiet life, bearing four children, and grieving the loss of a miscarriage. She did not come from wealth, and she had to work early in life, even working days and going to “night school” to complete her high school diploma. My dad owned a bakery in the Clifton Heights area of Cincinnati (near UC and where he grew up), and mom worked in the bakery with him to help make the business survive.  

Mom had a deep faith, and she made sure that her kids did too. We all knew the expectations that mom had for us, and we had better (and we did) live up to them. There was no question about those expectations- regular attendance at Mass, Catholic education through college, good grades, hard work, and regular disciplines to maintain physical and spiritual health.

Mom took in her mother after grandma suffered a debilitating stroke in 1959, and mom cared for her until grandma died, in our house, in 1967.  Mom did not complain, nor did she let others know of all the sacrifices she made for her family. Mom’s selfless lifestyle was visible, but not expressed to others by her very much.

She lived a quiet, but powerful life- one that honored her God and her family. She is one of the heroes born on February 22, and now you know about the hero less celebrated, but the one more beloved.

Prayer: Lord thank you for the sacrifice of those who lay down their lives in the service of others, Amen.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Out of the genius of Benjamin Franklin came the concept of the lightning rod. It is counterintuitive really since the object of the lightning rod is to get struck! As we know, the lightning rod absorbs the massive energy from a lightning bolt and thereby saves the building, on which it is perched, from harm. The lightning rod directs that massive energy to a safe place- the ground. The lightning rod is not harmed, usually, because it is an efficient channel to move the electricity to where it will cause no harm.

I was speaking with a couple the other day, and we discussed her role (unwanted) of being a lightning rod for her husband’s anger. While she is effective at deflecting his random energy into a safe place, and thereby allowing him to feel some relief, both needed to discuss this with another lightning rod- me.

I was not affected by their storm of energy and hurt, and therefore I was a safe place to absorb all that energy. I did not take it personally, and I was not hurt at all.

Jesus was a lightning rod of sorts too. He willingly accepted the wrath of those around him who did not understand him. Many believed that he was a threat to the current order and system of worship. He was. Jesus attracted such pent up energy because people saw that he was different, and therefore, a threat.

Jesus absorbed our sins and dissipated the harm that would come from them. He directed that energy into healing and salvation for humankind. His body paid the ultimate price for that, but he arose from death and emerged as an on-going source of peace to those afflicted with hurt and pain.

Maybe you as a reader sometimes feel like a lightning rod for those around you. Consider how that affects you, and how you function in that role. Sometimes it helps to see that lightning rods can be of great use, as long as we understand the process and our role in it.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see our role in turning pain into peace, Amen

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus                                                                                                                                   Galatians 3:28

Hellenism– A way to understand the world through the use of human reason and intellect

Hebraism – A way to understand the world through that which we cannot explain- mysticism

Each of these viewpoints can take the same phenomenon and explain its cause in a different way.

The great poet, professor, and cultural critic Matthew Arnold wrote an essay titled Hellenism vs. Hebraism in his book Culture and Anarchy (1869). I remember reading the essay in college, and it struck me as an intriguing way to see the world. I suppose my professor would be pleased that one of his assignments stuck with me for over 50 years! 

Arnold explained that there are two world views which dominate our understanding of the world. While this model is somewhat simplistic, I think it helps us to see how our thinking is shaped. The Hellenistic view was inspired by the civilizing Greek culture of antiquity. They emphasized a way to understand the world through the lens of human reason and intellect.

The Hebraic world view allowed for a more mystical way to understand the world- that not all phenomena can be explained simply through reason and logic. Of course, the Hebraic view was that of a Jewish culture that was heavily reliant on a spiritual understanding of life. God was the spirit that animated the world, and that is how we can understand things, even if those things are not explainable through empirical explanation.

Of course, both views have merit, and both need one another to have a fuller understanding of the world. There is a need, especially these days, to embrace world views that are not typically how we may see things. Depending upon where one stands, and the lenses through which we see things, we may have only a partial understanding of a situation. Embracing the possibility of another viewpoint is critical to deeper understanding.

Science alone cannot explain the world. Theology alone cannot explain natural phenomena. Together, we begin to see a more complete picture.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us resources to better understand the world and the Creation you formed, Amen

 My brothers and sisters, do not assault each other with criticism. If you decide your job is to accuse and judge another believer, then you are a self-appointed critic and judge of the law; if so, then you are no longer a doer of the law and subject to its rule; you stand over it as a judge.  Know this, there is One who stands supreme as Judge and Lawgiver. He alone is able to save and to destroy, so who are you to step in and try to judge ?                               James 4:11-12

This passage talks about the many ways that arrogance can rear its ugly head in our thought processes. James uses several examples to let the saints know that they have no right to judge a brother or sister. Often, the Law was used as a way for the “righteous” to determine how others failed in keeping the law perfectly.

James also told the brethren that they were not to slander one another. Slander is defined as: “the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person’s reputation”. While this is the somewhat narrow definition of the word, I believe that James is not defining slander that narrowly. Rather, I believe that he extends the meaning to “don’t spread gossip about your brother or sister which may bring them harm- you have no right to do so”. The strictest sense of slander is “spreading a falsehood”. I would contend that James would include it wrong to be “spreading any word about another, true or not, which can bring them harm or diminish their character”.

The higher law he invokes is the law of love. The law of love encourages us to build one another up, and to help one another avoid occasions of sin.

James also takes people to task for presuming upon tomorrow. We cannot assume that we will get tomorrow. While we need to plan as if there WILL be a tomorrow for us, it is to be done in the attitude of holding it loosely, knowing that in a moment, God can call us home. So we talk and act in the manner that says, if God gives me tomorrow, it will be His, for His good and for His plans.

Prayer: Father, thank you for your Law of Love, which covers our sins completely. Help us to defend our brothers and sisters by guarding our thoughts and our tongues, Amen.

To understand the life of Jesus, I must first give you some background history, events that occurred when Herod ruled Judea for the Roman Empire. Zacharias was serving as a priest in the temple in Jerusalem those days as his fathers had before him. He was a member of the priestly division of Abijah (a grandson of Aaron who innovated temple practices), and his wife, Elizabeth, was of the priestly lineage of Aaron, Moses’ brother.                                      Luke 1:5 (The Voice Translation)

You, my dear readers, know my love of history. In Luke’s gospel he found it important to give some historical context so that his readers may better know Jesus. I think national histories are also understood better in true context. Today I look at how knowledge of history can influence our future.

In a sequel to his best-selling book the Tipping Point, author Malcolm Gladwell discusses the Jewish Holocaust, among other topics. His latest book, Revenge of the Tipping Point, states that the 1978 NBC miniseries, (Holocaust), became a tipping point for renewed discussion of the Holocaust’s horrors.

Many of us remember that miniseries and its impact. More Holocaust museums opened after that series than ever before. More significantly, the series, when aired in West Germany, sparked a renewed interest in exploration of the dreaded atrocities of the era. Many young Germans saw for the first time a lengthy discussion of the Holocaust and its devastation.  

We tend to set aside many painful historical facts and we replace them with cultural myths. Take for example our own history of Thanksgiving, which has turned into a heartwarming story of Pilgrims and Indians sharing a feast around a large table. The real story was not quite so simple or serene, but cultural myths catch our attention and tend to color or even replace actual historical facts.

We all like a narrative to explain our past. Civilization is replete with such stories, and some of our great literature is based around origin stories and comfortable narratives. A courageous dive into history is important in order to clarify facts. Every nation has bold sagas and uplifting stories of its heritage, and people groups are naturally proud of their origin stories. However, an objective look at history is necessary to gain perspective and guidance for the future.  

We always need to remember that our proud history in the United States is also filled with horror stories from those nations and peoples that we shoved aside or even devastated in our collective belief in Manifest Destiny. Good histories delve into all aspects of history- some of which we love, and some of which we overlook.

So, actual love of country entails an objective look at its history in order to improve its future.

Indeed, the truth of our origins sets us free to make a better future.

Prayer: Lord, give us the courage to look honestly at our history in order to protect the future, Amen

Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.                                            Matthew 8:3

Immediately after Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount, he came down from the mountainside and he was approached by a leper. Leprosy, of course, was a dreaded wasting disease prevalent in the middle east climate. Lepers were avoided, cast out, and left to die in miserable camps outside of cities and villages.

A man with leprosy approached Jesus and knelt before him asking for healing. The fact that the leper approached Jesus at all says first, that he trusted that Jesus could heal him, and secondly, that Jesus would not cast him away like the rest of society. Then Jesus did the provocative and dangerous action – he touched the leper. The leper was healed immediately.

When Jesus moved on to Capernaum, he encountered a centurion who sought Jesus on behalf of his paralyzed servant. The centurion, showing faith far beyond the religious leaders of the time, asked Jesus to heal his servant with “just say the word and my servant will be healed”.

The centurion’s servant was, of course, also healed. The contrast to me is striking. Jesus could have healed that leper the same way- just said the word. But Jesus chose to touch the leper, healing him not only physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well.

What must it have been like for the leper to be touched by another human being? He had been shunned and isolated by a fearful society who had banished him outside of the city walls. Jesus knew that this man needed a touch for healing in so many ways.  

In Jewish law, one who touched a leper became unclean. In the Kingdom Jesus came to usher in, those whom Jesus touches become clean.

Prayer: Lord, help us to reach out to those who need a healing touch, Amen

Gracious words are like a honeycomb,
    sweetness to the soul and health to the body.                                                                                      Proverbs 16:24

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.                                                                    Proverbs 17:22

There is, of course, great wisdom in the book of Proverbs. Even though it was written perhaps 2500 years ago (or so), it contains wisdom that is timeless. In today’s blog, I am looking at the power of words. As the book says, words have the power to lift up a spirit or to crush a spirit. From the same mouth can come blessings or curses.

I note that the passage from Proverbs 16:24 indicates that words are like a honeycomb. Later in the book of Proverbs, it alludes to the fact that a “broken spirit dries up the bones”. While this language is meant to be figurative, I really think that there was an allusion to literal physical health. Depression feels like it goes all the way to the bone. We also know that the health of our very blood manufacturing process takes place in the bone marrow. That marrow in the bones is like…a honeycomb.

So, just maybe, those kind words can “get into our bones”- deep into our soul, and heal us. Maybe it is not such a stretch to say that words can be healing and health-giving. Proverbs tells us that words are health to the body, and that a joyful heart is good medicine.

I’m going with words can literally be healing to one another. The more we use those words of encouragement, the healthier we all are.

Prayer: Lord, you have literally given us the power to heal with our words. Help us to use them wisely, Amen

If you are angry, do not let it become sin. Get over your anger before the day is finished.                       Ephesians 4:26 (New Life Version)

I spoke yesterday about a client who is dealing with anger. Indeed, I see a number of clients who have concerns about their anger. Often, that concern is spawned by a loved one who has experienced that anger. My new client is here because his anger is getting in the way of a relationship.

Anger is an insidious emotion. We all have it and are capable of it- that is part of being human. Managing it well is another story. The first step is to be able to recognize and own our anger. We often mask it, or call it something else. For example, “I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated!”

As I mentioned in a previous blog, frustration is anger, plus a sense of no ability to resolve a situation. It is a sense of feeling powerless. Just being able to articulate that feeling gives one the power over their own emotions- we have recognized it and owned it. It does not resolve the situation, but we have more clarity and therefore a sense of control to some degree.

Another indicator of anger is sarcasm. Sarcasm is socially acceptable anger. Sarcasm is a way to express anger in a humorous way, and therefore to dissipate it more or less harmlessly. Look at comedians who are so successful in expressing inner hurts and anger in this way. They have found a way to monetize their anger!

So, more to come on this topic in the future.

Blessings!

Prayer: Lord, help us to see the times that we are angry and express it properly, Amen