Today is April 1. This date, of course, is also known as April Fool’s Day. Most of us have been the recipients of gags on this date, and some are memorable, because we really got taken in! I recall that time, some 30 years ago, when I worked at the Alcohol, Drug and Mental Health Services Board in Montgomery County, Ohio as Director of Mental Health Services. That April Fool’s Day I really got hooked.  One of my staff, Jeff, gave me one of those pink telephone message slips (trust me, they were a thing) that said I needed to call the Montgomery County Morgue.

Given that our department may need to investigate an unusual death situation, I decided to call the morgue. The problem is, I did not pay attention to the name given to call- a miss “Myra Maines” at the morgue. Yes, you are ahead of me aren’t you? I called the Montgomery County Morgue and asked for “Myra Maines”. The woman who answered, (and my staff) had a great laugh at my expense. I couldn’t believe that I had fallen for it, but I had. It did make the day for a number of people, so I guess it all worked out just fine!

April Fool’s Day is celebrated by many countries around the world. Some cultures have the same concept, but don’t necessarily celebrate it on April 1. So, don’t fall for the “Myra Maines” thing this year like I did many years ago.

April 1 also has a celebration attached to it for me this year. This day marks the five-year anniversary of the blog Reflections of a Counselor. I started the blog at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic as a way to survive, and to help others survive, the pandemic. We just never stopped from there!

This blog could never have lasted without you, my readers, who have been so supportive and kind in reading regularly. For that, I deeply thank you.

Blessings on our journey together for another year!

John

Depends on How You Look at it…

Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
 He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
 He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.   

Isaiah 53:1-3 (NIV)      

I have always been struck by this passage from Isaiah. The writer anticipates the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, and he paints a picture of him that many would not recognize. This Messiah is one who “had no beauty or majesty.” Nothing in his appearance would draw people to him. In short, he is not the one people were looking for to redeem the land of Israel and Judah. 

In fact, he was “despised and rejected” by mankind. He was a man of suffering, familiar with pain. In other words, he was not the typical ruling king who would claim a land from the Roman Empire- (especially since that wasn’t really the plan anyway). People held him in low esteem and rejected him. Yes, he was a surprise Messiah!

He was exactly the opposite of what worldly standards demand of a conquering hero. And, of course, that is exactly what we should expect from a God who confounds the proud and lifts up the marginalized. God is not interested in the outward appearance. He is interested in a transformed and humble heart.

I think that is pretty awesome.

Prayer: Lord, you confound the proud in order to determine hearts attuned to your plans, Amen

Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king                                                I Peter 2:17

My definition of respect goes something like this– it is the sincere belief that the person I am working with is able to solve their own problems.

I try to convey that respect to my clients in a number of ways. I affirm their decision to begin counseling. I give them hope that, with work, we can develop some tools that will help them to deal with their problems in an effective way. I tell them that I believe in them, and I point out to my clients the strengths that I see in them. I assure them that what they see as weakness may simply be a strength that they have not yet been able to manage. And yes, I challenge clients to the hard places of healing, because I respect them and care for them.

Often, my clients come into counseling having been living in shame, and perhaps they have been labeled negatively by others. My job is to see their strengths, give them hope that their life can be better, and encourage growth.

I recently had a client who saw himself as weak because he was conflict avoidant. Indeed, that can be a problem. We cannot avoid all conflict in life. Yet, his desire for peacemaking is a noble strength that needs to be managed well. The problem that some peacemakers get into is that they may sacrifice truth for peace, when only the hard truth must be spoken in a situation.

God has shown human beings respect by giving us free will. Indeed, it is true that our choices are often pretty far off the mark, but God has restrained his own power by not limiting our free will to make our own choices.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the gift of free will. Give us wisdom to use it well, Amen

We are well into the season of Lent- the 40-day time of preparation for the highest Christian holiday, Easter. As I had discussed in an earlier blog, this time of year we typically pick some practice to give us more discipline and focus as we prepare to honor the death and resurrection of Jesus. We recall the suffering of Jesus on Good Friday, and we try to emulate that to a (very) small degree, often by fasting from certain foods during Lent.

This year, I decided not to fast any particular food, like chocolate, for Lent. I decided to go for a more positive approach that will benefit my health. I chose a practice that will also spur me on to go a little above and beyond my usual routine so that I am reminded of my commitment to honor Jesus. I decided to close all three health indicator rings on my Apple watch every day. For those not familiar with this, the Apple watch measures certain physical activities and prompts one to complete the goal by “closing rings”.

I think Jesus would prefer that I push myself to a positive end, rather than avoiding some practice. Jesus told his disciples to celebrate his presence and, in my opinion, I can best honor him by pushing myself to better physical health.

At least I am hoping that I am not just wimping out for an excuse due to my love of chocolate!

Hope your Lent is going well, and that whatever you are doing, or not doing, brings you closer to your love of Jesus.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, we honor you this Lent for the sacrifice of love you made for us, Amen

I spoke with a client recently who was recounting to me her experience in getting an MRI. I’m sure many of my readers are familiar with the MRI machine, a narrow tube which gives excellent images of the body for diagnostic purposes. The bad news is- it is a narrow tube.

Many people feel confined and claustrophobic in such an environment. This induces terror into some people who feel that they cannot deal with such a situation given the anxiety that it triggers.

I recently talked about this with a client who had experienced an early trauma where she had been pinned down and molested as a young girl. The idea of confinement in this long tube was frightening. It was a trauma trigger. Fortunately, she was given an exit strategy. If she simply squeezed the ball she had been given, that would signal to the staff that she needed help.

This reassured the client such that she was able to undergo the procedure with no mishaps, and she did not even need to squeeze the ball.  Why did this work? Because she had been given an exit strategy. She did not need to use it, but knowing it was there if she needed it made all the difference.

This was a great example of the anxiety tool kit that I talk with my clients about. Just knowing there is help, or a way out, makes all the difference. The idea that we have some control in an anxiety producing situation gives us what we need to get through the anxiety.

Even if we never have to use it.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us many tools to ease our anxiety. Thank you for your provision, Amen

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.                          James 1:12

I was speaking recently with a client who is fighting a chronic degenerative neurological disorder. The disease is robbing her of both physical and mental acuity, slowly but inexorably draining from her the will to fight.

This client is in her 70’s and I acknowledged to her that those of us in our 70’s have a much greater challenge in maintaining our mental and physical edge. She especially, with her neurological condition, finds it difficult to get motivated to move. It takes a great deal of energy input in order to get the kind of results that in the past came almost effortlessly.

The laws of physics tell us that a body at rest tends to stay at rest without an input of energy into the system. That energy must come from our own resources, but all of us need encouragement from others to keep up hope, and to see the need to push ourselves for our own benefit (and that of others too).

As we age, we are challenged, because our bodies are not as efficient at producing and storing energy as when we were 20 or 30, or even 40 or 50! However, the old adage never changes – “use it or lose it”. If we fail to push ourselves, physically, mentally, socially and spiritually, we will gradually lose abilities in those areas. My friends, we cannot afford to do that. Yes, eventually there comes a time when we can no longer push these minds and bodies to those lengths, but we want to stave that day off as long as possible.

So, take heart. Push to keep yourself active in all of those areas. Seek others who will be encouragers to you, and you should encourage them as well. I think that we were designed to keep active as long as possible, and not to give in to inactivity in any area.

So, stay active my friends in whatever ways you can. It is harder as we age, but there is the reward of self-esteem and better health.

Keep your eye on the prize…

Prayer: Lord, help us to keep our motivation, and help others in theirs, Amen

And the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica, and they listened eagerly to Paul’s message. They searched the Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth.           Acts 17:11

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if anything is excellent, and if anything is praiseworthy, think about these things.                                                                      Philippians 4:8

If you have cruised the internet headlines on some sites, you will find many items disguised as news that are, in reality, “click bait”. You are undoubtedly aware of that phenomenon- click bait- and I say it is destructive to our nation and our soul. Two things, (likely more) that serve well as click bait are political stories, and sex. People are lured into those two hot button items that rouse the brain’s neural response system.

Many problems flow from this, of course. One is, people are drawn into rabbit holes of ads, lies, and lurid stories that typically lead nowhere. Do they edify and build you up? Uh, No. Do they bring us closer to truth? Almost never. Do they make our attitude positive for the day? Are you kidding?

But, they grab our eyes, and that is all that they are intended to do. They also may make us angry, feeding some pre-existing belief that simply reinforces an anger response. The headlines are written to draw us in. “Incredible admission by …”; or “beloved character states why he no longer has faith”; or “terrible news for_______  due to …”

The sex draws are pretty straightforward. Beautiful women, or men, in skimpy clothing are shown in click bait for real estate, medical news of no value, or just because they will get you to click the site – for anything. Sex sells, and anger sells. Unfortunately, truth often does not, especially in an age when truth is in short supply, and sensationalism is rampant.  

The Bible has some answers for this, but then again, truth often is drowned out. So my friends, I urge us all to simply be aware of what the lures are, because we are all drawn to the shiny things we see.

Prayer: Lord, help us to look beyond the surface that the shiny things offer. Help us to seek truth, Amen

 Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.                                                          Philippians 2:5-8 (Living Bible)

Empathy seems to be getting a bad name these days in some quarters. Some church leaders and government officials seem to be saying that empathy is not healthy. They posit that it may be making people weak. Their argument is that “empathy” amounts to a false gospel of “kindness” that enables a culture of “coddling” and “weakness.”

I suppose that any virtue to an extreme can become a weakness. I am concerned however that a fundamental facet of the Christian faith- empathy- may be suffering from a more political definition than a moral one.

The highest example of empathy is the central theme of Christianity- the Incarnation of Jesus. Jesus willingly took on human form and life in order to demonstrate the love of God in the flesh to his creation. He literally put himself in the place of those who are suffering and need a new understanding of what God’s love is.

So, let us be clear about how we discuss empathy. We all need such understanding, and we would all benefit from more of it. To be sure, we must be clear-headed about how we help others, and how we relate to them. However, being able to see the world from another’s perspective is important to our own mental health and well-being, as well as being critical for societal cohesion. Without it, we become insular, indifferent, and maybe even cruel.

So, if we follow the example of Jesus, we will be attentive to the needs of others, and empathy will be the most endearing asset of the Christian life.

Prayer: Lord give us vision and capacity for empathy that is needed in our world, Amen

Let nothing be done out of strife or conceit, but in humility let each esteem the other better than himself                                                                         Philippians 2:3

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will  Romans 12:2

“The more you know, the more humble you become…”                                                  Albert Einstein

As I understand it, the way of Christianity is the way of humility. That is, we recognize that our salvation is not about our own good doctrine or beliefs, or even our good works. It is about the recognition that we are unable to save ourselves. Further, the way of Jesus is that of loving him, and loving one another as ourselves, which was God’s plan all along. The Christian faith (i.e. following Jesus) is about a change of heart, in that we look at the world and its people differently. We now see people (as best we can) through the eyes of a loving Jesus.

If we view the world in this way we begin to ask, “how can I treat this person before me as a loved child of God?” All of God’s creation is precious in his sight. One tribe or nation is not favored, but true wisdom is to see that God sees his creation in a way that we must humbly conform ourselves to. We need to see the world the way that God does. Simple, right? Easy? No.  

This is a simple yet profound mindset. It takes us away from the self-serving mindset that we are all born with. We are, indeed, transformed in our heart, by the renewing of our mind. Yes, simple, but not easy. Humility is the beginning of wisdom. When we know that we cannot save ourselves, we are free to trust Jesus to save us.

He does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

Prayer: Lord, your plans are simple, but not easy. Help us to conform to your worldview, Amen

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver                                    Proverbs 25:11

Sometimes when I talk with clients, I ask them “What gives you Oxygen?” The idea, of course, is “what energizes you, gives you extra reason to persevere, drives you to be your best?” When they have considered that, we discuss ways to increase that “Oxygen” for them.

Then I might ask, “What gives your partner/spouse Oxygen?” Sometimes the client knows what gives their partner such a boost, but they may feel too depleted themselves to offer such Oxygen to their partner. Or, they may feel hurt by their partner, and they knowingly, or unknowingly, withhold that life-giving thing.  

We all need Oxygen, literally, to live. Yet we also need that emotional or spiritual Oxygen too. Consider what your Oxygen is, and what that might be for those around you whom you love.

Prayer: Lord, help us to understand what life-giving things we can give to ourselves, and to those around us Amen