Most of us, whether we do it consciously or not, set some goals for the day. We may or may not write them down- I typically do not. Nonetheless, they are in my head. For example, every day I have an exercise goal, as recommended by my smart watch. I am committed to post a blog every day, and three days/week, I have counseling clients to see. Then there are usually some chores around the house- not many because my wife does a lot!

All this to say that meeting those somewhat modest goals feels good. It is an accomplishment. These are pretty simple things usually, but completion gives me a real sense of accomplishment and control.

As I have mentioned in a previous blog, it can help with the bedtime exercise of reviewing the day and listing things for intentional positive self-talk- a homework I often give to clients, and one that I also practice.

So, there it is. The simple act of achieving practical daily goals ends up as a motivator, and as a source for a sense of accomplishment!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the simple things in life that give us joy, Amen.

 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.     Philippians 2:3-4

I first became aware of Buck O’Neil when I watched the marvelous Ken Burns series on PBS about the grand game of baseball. Buck O’Neil was a Negro League player and manager, and he became the first African-American coach in Major League Baseball in the 1960’s with the Chicago Cubs.

He should have been inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2006 with other Negro League greats, but instead, he gave a powerful speech about the inductees without any reference to his own snub. Buck O’Neil was able to celebrate the success of others with grace and joy.

He had his own credentials for induction, and finally received that honor this year. It is very sad to me when people do not get to experience the joy of being rightly honored in their lifetime. How might he have felt if he had been able to stand at the dais and make the acceptance speech for his own induction?

Yet, he loved the opportunity to see those whom he helped to prosper. He helped to establish the Negro League Hall of Fame in Kansas City, a shrine I intend to visit this summer.

Buck O’Neil, a victim of Jim Crow racism found a way to overcome hatred with love of others. I think he embodies Paul’s words in Philippians above. Buck O’Neil loved his God and fellow man. That is the best tribute one can have.

We love you Buck O’Neil!

Highlight, then click on this link below to see the great speech and warm embrace he gave to the crowd in 2006…

 The Greatest Thing – YouTube

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be…                                                                                   Psalm 139:16

Just a random thought for today. We are, of course, the product of generations before us- many generations. Some people can trace those generations back for centuries through the help of ancestry websites and diligent research. As for my lineage, I can go back to the mid-18^th century on the Jung side. If I were more diligent, I am sure that I could go back even farther in the family tree.

Nonetheless, I found it fascinating, as I ruminated the other day, that I was held in the arms of grandparents who were born in the 19^th century. That struck me as both a very cool fun fact, and  a reminder that we are part of a grand chain of human beings who were put on this earth for a reason.

I am so grateful for the life I have, and for those who went before me in this grand scheme of a life that God had planned in eternity.   

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for your plans, and for those who came before us, Amen.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.                                                                                                                                                      II Corinthians 12:9

Remorse: a gnawing distress arising from a sense of guilt for past wrongs 

Merriam -Webster Dictionary

I speak with my clients about guilt and remorse. Guilt is a negative emotion that does actually have a purpose. Its job is to get us in touch with things that we have done wrong in order to remedy the situation. Unfortunately, many people live in guilt long after its usefulness has passed. Guilt is useful only to the extent that it can get us to a higher level of awareness and functioning. It can cause us to act upon the deeds we have done that are not praiseworthy, and ask forgiveness for them.

Remorse is the next level- the healing level- that guilt can bring us to. Remorse is the distress caused by the fact that we have hurt someone else. We feel bad because we have hurt others. Our pain is the fact that we have caused others pain.

Unfortunately, there is cheap guilt that is self-serving. This guilt is hurt that we have been caught. We feel bad because our reputation has been hurt, or because we have consequences to pay. We are upset because we got caught or found out.

I discuss this because remorse is a higher level of self-awareness. Those who experience true remorse seek forgiveness not because they want to feel better. Rather, they want those whom they have hurt to feel better in some way.

So, words matter, and the context of levels of awareness are part of that. True self-awareness needs language in order for it to be understood.  Living in guilt is a bad way to live. Defining ourselves in terms of shame is even worse.

Prayer: Lord, you have provided the remedy for guilt and shame. Thank you for your grace and forgiveness, Amen

Be curious, not judgmental…

Ted Lasso

I just had the privilege of interviewing three people from my church about their stories. Specifically, it was about their “God stories”, that is, special times in their life when they felt the hand of God moving in a particular manner. I asked them about how their lives had taken unexpected turns, even amidst some tragedy or traumatic situations. I approached these people with curiosity, and compassion, because I knew that it was a precious thing that I held- their most intimate and vulnerable times, now to be shared for the benefit of others. These were, of course, not clients of mine- they were fellow church members seeking the good of their friends and church community.

I left the interviews invigorated. These people had shared stories with me that were powerful to them, but also to any listeners. That was my job- to elicit their story to expose it to others who may find it transforming.

Interviewing people is a specialty of mine, of course, and it was great to be able to help expose ways that God had worked in their lives in ways that still seemed awesome, even inexplicable to them.

We all have a story. Don’t be afraid to share your story for the benefit of others.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us testimonies of your power and grace, and we thank you for it, Amen

 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us                                                                                                                                                  Romans 5:8

In his sermon on Sunday, our pastor, Dennis, finished up a series on the Beatitudes. It was an excellent series from the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus outlined how we should live our lives. As he summarized the last Beatitude, Dennis pointed out that Jesus was the embodiment of each of those qualities discussed.

Jesus was poor in spirit (humble); Jesus was a man of sorrows; Jesus was gentle; Jesus hungered for righteousness; Jesus was merciful and pure of heart; he was a peacemaker, and finally, he was persecuted. He came to Earth to live out his life as an example to all of us.

We have been given an example of righteous living, and the world, for the most part, has rejected it. Yet God in his mercy pursues us to continually offer a better way. The way of love is often misunderstood, and sometimes even punished. However, we are comforted by the example of Jesus who extends his love toward us continually.

Prayer: Thank you, Father, for the gift of Jesus as an example of your love toward us, Amen

…not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others           Philippians 2:4

I recently read a piece in the newspaper about the effectiveness of “Wellness Programs” in the workplace. Such programs have been proliferating for the past ten years or so with the goals being increased employee production, higher employee morale, better employee satisfaction, and increased staff retention. Perhaps the companies also are truly interested in the well being of their employees. I hope so.

The results of a recent British survey indicate that many such programs have not produced the desired goals in employee mental health and well-being. That is, except for one option offered to employees- engagement in volunteer activities. This activity outpaced things like self-help apps, coaching, relaxation classes, courses in time management and classes in financial counseling.

It is no surprise to me that activities that are focused outwardly, and not self-directed, are the ones that produce the most effective results. Becoming involved in a mission larger than our own well-being is the most effective way to become truly healthy socially and emotionally.

In fact, my homework for clients frequently involves a suggestion to check out volunteer work in the community or at church. When someone is positively involved in the lives of others, and the goal is the betterment of those whom we can help, we end up helping ourselves.  

Isn’t that an interesting paradox about human nature?

Prayer: Lord, you have made us to have missions larger than ourselves, Amen

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God                                          Matthew 5:9

In his sermon on the mount, Jesus spoke about what later came to be called the “Beatitudes”. One of those beatitudes was the one mentioned above- peacemakers. Jesus obviously valued peace, stating that the peacemakers were to be called “sons of God”- indeed, a high calling.

I think we are all called to be peacemakers, wherever we are. Think about situations where you have a choice to escalate a tense situation with an opinion, or to deescalate the situation by remaining silent. Or, you see an injustice happening, and you have the opportunity to take up the cause of someone being oppressed.

In my role as a counselor, I have the responsibility to evaluate situations, and try to bring healing and peace, as best I can into the situation. That does not mean that I cannot call out behaviors which are destructive or harmful. On the contrary, I am compelled to speak truth into situations as I see it. Yet, how does one bring peace into situations where there is strife and conflict?

Recently, I was on a phone call where there was much pain and anger, and indeed, some yelling and raised voices. My job was to deescalate the emotional overload, and be the voice of reason since I could be objective. My role was to try to restore a sense of calm as best I could. I found myself speaking very slowly and deliberately. I tried to listen empathically since it was clear that the person on the phone was in a great deal of pain at the moment. I asked that the person just give himself some space for a while, making sure that he was going to be safe.

I continued to speak slowly and calmly, trying to model the sense of calm that the caller desperately needed. I knew that time could give this person the needed space to regain his own sense of peace. Until then, he needed me to have a sense of peace and hope that he currently could not get to- understandable in his current situation.

I mention this because at times, we all can and do play the role of peacemaker. We can only do that if we ourselves have a sense of peace that God is in control. Whatever the situation, there is a solution. Our job is to be present, physically or emotionally, until that peace that passes all understanding can be felt by those whom we are trying to comfort.

Above all, the thing we all need is peace, the peace that comes from God.

Prayer: Father, thank you for calling us to be peacemakers. Give us the strength and opportunity to be your ambassadors of peace, Amen.

 And Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Legion”; for many demons had entered him.                                                                                                              Luke 8:30

You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world                                                                                                          I John 4:4

When Jesus exorcised demons from people, he would call them out by name. I was discussing this with a client the other day- not because of any kind of demonic possession certainly- but just to draw a message from the actions of Jesus.

The point of naming the demon becomes a metaphor. We must call out the thing that is oppressing us and keeping us in bondage. It may be an addiction; it may be long-held resentments; it may be fear, etc. The point is, until we can name the bondage, and then directly address it, it will maintain a hold on us.

As for demonic possession, or affliction- well, that is above my pay grade. I don’t really understand it, and I do not attempt to. I know that there are battles in spiritual realms, but I do not attempt to understand or rectify such issues. I trust that the Holy Spirit, in his work, is able to do things that we cannot in that realm.

I do believe, however, that often it is easy to blame a demon for our own poor choices and decisions, and that is where we need to take the hard inward look.

Prayer: Lord, help us to name the things that become bondage for us, and the strength to address them, Amen 

…but glory, honor, and peace to everyone who works what is good, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.  For there is no partiality with God.                                                                   Romans 2:10-11

I was recently speaking with a client about his concerns over the troublesome societal ethic of “value tiering”. His Christian experience compels him, (and all Christians) to regard every human being as made in the image of God, and therefore worthy of respect and dignity. We had a deep discussion of how his soul is hurt when people are devalued, and how he sees that people who devalue others will, and are, devaluing him.  

This is a good reminder for us that God is “no respecter of persons” (Romans 2:11), and that if God values people without respect to culture, race, even belief, how can we do less?

Prayer: Lord, help us to better see people the way you see them, Amen