When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.  Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.                            James 3: 3-4

When I see my clients who struggle with anxiety, I always look for small, practical, simple actions for the “anxiety tool kit” that I give them. As I have said before in this space, in times of anxiety, it is important that people feel a sense of control of their environment. Control is the antidote to anxiety. Of course we cannot control everything around us. Indeed, actually, trying to do that is counterproductive.

But within limits, there are thing we can control. We cannot “outthink” anxiety, but we can “outbehave” it.   What I mean is, by controlling our own actions, we can feel more in control of our environment. The three first steps I often give to people is to: Breathe; Hydrate; Move

We can take control of an involuntary action (breathing), and feel more in control of our body. There are certain steps in this, and I will cover that in another blog. Next, we can hydrate- drink some water. Very often, we feel tired, restless and anxious simply because we have not taken in enough water. Actually, (and I am pretty bad about this myself) we need to drink even when we are not thirsty. Our body needs hydration even before we feel thirst.

Finally, we need movement. Any kind of movement can suffice. Walking, working on a hobby, stretching- any kind of intentional movement- can put anxious thoughts aside, even for a brief time. That gives us the space to have a respite, to perhaps talk with a friend, do some journalling, etc. Those actions can even better deflect anxious thoughts.

So, my friends, a brief trip to the “tool shed” – the anxiety tool kit!

Prayer: Lord, you have given use what we need in times of need. We are grateful for that, Amen  

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful                                                              Psalm 139:14

I recently talked with a client about his ADHD, and how it might impact his daily life. Many adults with ADD or ADHD may suffer from depression and low self-esteem. This client had struggled in school and assumed that he did not have very high intelligence. Such thinking is not uncommon for people with these disorders. As we talked, I explained to the client that often, such situations can be likened to a car with a high-powered motor, but having problems with the transmission. This car has plenty of horsepower, but it needs to be directed with a good transmission. We work on fixing that transmission issue.

People who suffer from forms of ADD often have higher than average intelligence, but because of brain organization problems and distractibility, they may have trouble translating that intelligence in the ways they would like.  They may have trouble with memory, and can struggle with following schedules and being on time.

The sad part about many challenges we have is that we can let them define us. We are much more than the limitations that we all face in life. Encouragement from others can go a long way in helping people to see themselves in a different and positive light.

Prayer: Lord help us to see the positives of how we have been created, Amen    

Late in the afternoon his disciples came to him and said, “Tell the people to go away to the nearby villages and farms and buy themselves some food, for there is nothing to eat here in this desolate spot, and it is getting late.”

 But Jesus said, “You feed them.”                                                                            Mark 6:35-37

I always liked this passage about Jesus feeding the 5000. There are a lot of elements to it, and of course the one we resonate to is the miracle of stretching five loaves of bread and two fish to feed that crowd until they were full. Yes, that was pretty major!

However, there are other themes here too. The one I am thinking about today is that Jesus told the disciples to feed the people. This is just after the disciples had, understandably, tried to get a manageable plan so that these hungry people could eat. They proposed that the people be sent away to purchase their own food.

 But Jesus had a lesson in mind for them. He wanted the disciples to begin to understand their responsibility toward those who would follow the message of Jesus. They were to serve those people, not send them off to forage for themselves. Jesus also did this to have an opportunity to let them know of the power that they had, even miraculous power, if they simply trusted the Master, and also used what was on hand to perform that miracle.

Jesus calls us to serve with what we have in our hand- our talents, strengths and abilities, employed for his service. As the old saying goes, “He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called”.

So, we are to employ whatever gifts or resources that we have to serve the Kingdom, and God will provide what we need as we move ahead in faith

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the plan that we are called to serve, and that you will provide, Amen

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

I hope this reaffirms our faith in the goodness of simple everyday kindness all around us…

The police officer who pays for groceries for a vagrant instead of arresting him. The minimum wage clerk at McDonalds who pays the bill for a customer who forgot her wallet. The first person in line at a Starbucks drive-thru who pays for the person’s order behind him, setting off a chain of events of people paying for the person behind them. The teacher who buys school supplies for her students who cannot afford them. The truck driver who stops to change a flat tire for a stranded motorist. The line of people at the blood bank giving life-saving plasma. The volunteers who go to California to help fight forest fires. The outpouring of support after a natural disaster.

Should I go on? Not enough room in the blog. These events happen EVERY DAY. There are actually too many instances of giving and sacrifice to be documented here. These events typically do not make headlines. Maybe because they are too commonplace and we take them for granted. Maybe they do not fit the narrative of sensationalism that our news cycle craves. Whatever the reason, we must not lose sight of this aspect of our human character.

It is important to celebrate these little daily exercises of goodwill and humanity. Take heart my dear readers, goodwill and kindness abound, it just gets shut out of the headlines. Keep up your silent and important everyday deeds that help your fellow traveler on this earth.

That is what we need to keep in mind to stay focused on what our country, indeed every country needs. These things are what makes America great. Let’s not let that knowledge slip into the background too far.

Prayer: Lord, you have created us to live in community and to bear one another’s burdens. Help us to remember that wonderful aspect of your creation, Amen

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:17-21

This passage came to mind today as I was looking at world events that are unfolding around us. Paul wrote these words in a similar time of strife and persecution. We are told to live peaceably, to not take revenge. We are told to feed enemies and take care of those who are not like us, or perhaps do not like us.

That same passage endures today. Hard words to live by, but we as Christians are called to do it.  

Prayer: Give us the courage to be counter to the world culture, Amen

Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.

Eckhart Tolle

I recently had a discussion with a client about the connection between sadness and anger. She has always had trouble getting in touch with the emotion of sadness, but instead she tends to become irritable and angry when upset with news that would normally elicit sadness.  

Upon further discussion of her history, it made sense that the client had tried to protect herself from sadness by getting in touch with an emotion over which she better understood and felt more control of- anger.

As I discussed this with her, I explained that irritability is often a characteristic of depression. People who are sad or depressed find it easier, or perhaps even more acceptable, to display anger instead. Anger may be more of a protection from the profound sadness that is so frightening for so many people.

We all get sad at times, and we all get angry at times. It is important to take the time and effort to really understand what is taking place in our internal emotional life. Only then can we effectively deal with either of these emotions.

Prayer: Lord, help us to take the time to look honestly and courageously at our emotions, Amen  

 I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.                                    Philippians1:3-6

I woke up with this verse in my head today, and I feel compelled to share this with my readers this morning. I have always loved this verse because it speaks to Paul’s love for his fellow believers, and it is also so encouraging. It made me think of the importance of sharing those feelings that we have toward one another on a very regular basis.

Paul’s fellow travelers in faith shared many hardships. Indeed, many faced death on a regular basis. The thing that encouraged them was knowing that others cared for them, and that God sustains them. Paul said that he was “confident that God, who had begun a good work in them, would carry it on to completion”.

We need to be reminded of this promise, especially in these trying days. We need to remind one another of this promise also. So, I want to convey that I am so thankful every day for my family, my friends, my colleagues, my readers- so many people in my life.

Pass on today that sentiment to those around you, or even those distant via our electronically connected world. Blessings on your journey…

Prayer: Father, thank you for sustaining us with your love and provision, and thank you for the plan that we travel together, Amen.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I have had a number of clients who truly regret some of their past actions, and the presence of the pain that such actions have brought. They are trying to make changes, but the progress seems slow, and perhaps others do not see the striving that they are undergoing. They may become frustrated with themselves, and doubt themselves. “Am I a worthy person?” they may ask.  

These are fairly common feelings and reactions. It is easy to get bogged down by slow growth, and the reminders of past failures. It may be at this point that I remind them that we are all “the people we are striving to become”. This is the “future self principle”.

What do I mean by this? Simply, we are a work in progress, and we are not yet where we want to be. However, the very desire to become a person of more discipline, or empathy, or kindness- whatever- is the thing that defines us. We are that person who wants to be, and to do, better. The striving is the definer. No, we have not yet reached the final destination, but we are on the course to get there. We need to be reminded that as long as we are striving to become that person, that direction itself defines us.

We are on the way…

Prayer: Lord, remind us that we are made in your image, and striving toward you, Amen

“You’ll never run out of material.”                                                                              John Jung

“I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member.”                                                                    Groucho Marx

All the days of the afflicted are bad,
but one with a cheerful heart has a continual feast                                                           Proverbs 15:15

If we are willing to laugh at ourselves, we will never run out of material. Yes, it is true, and it is a principle of good mental and emotional health. Learning to “not take ourselves too seriously” is a key to contentment, and a tool for continual renewal.

Laughter at ourselves is healthy, refreshing, and it takes the edge off of trying to be perfect. It is far better to be aware of our own mistakes, foibles and quirks than to be blind to them, only to have to have someone else point them out to us. If they do, we might become defensive- especially if at the core we know it is true. Don’t you just hate that?

Sometimes anxiety says to us- (remember, I said in an earlier blog that anxiety is our travelling partner, so we might as well get used to it)- “you should have thought of that”; or “that’s not gonna work”; or “this project will be a disaster”; or “if people find out how incompetent you are…”

I remember telling my interns a story when I was supervising them.

Many years ago, I had just taken a new job at Miami County Mental Health Center, having come from work at the state hospital as a social worker. I realized that I had a huge learning curve in working in a community mental health setting.  My work at the state hospital had been difficult, but it was a very different challenge in this new setting. I thought to myself “If they have any idea how incompetent I am here, they will surely fire me”. And I laughed. It was not true, really. I mean, I was incompetent, they would just never get the chance to find out!

My interns usually laughed, and also felt great relief. Because that is exactly how they felt too at the time. My willingness to laugh at myself, and then share it, gave relief to a common anxiety- “I will be found out as a fraud”.  The truth was, we weren’t frauds, just inexperienced, and we knew it. But laughing about it defused it, normalized it, and we could get on with the business of learning, not worrying.

So, laughter is good, especially when we can see it in ourselves. Like I said, we’ll never run out of material.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the gift of laughter. It is healing to our body and soul, Amen

As my readers know, I grew up loving baseball. I always loved to speculate on player trades because that sparked a lot of fan interest. Of course, I always wanted my team to get the better of the trade so that we could strengthen our team, and maybe weaken an opponent. Then as I got older, I recognized that the best trades are those that benefit both teams. After all, who is going to engage in a one-sided trade- unless you really didn’t know the baseball business. (Let us not discuss the trade of Frank Robinson from the Reds back in 1966- Reds fans know what I mean)

Now as the stakes get higher, and we talk about negotiations between two entities, such as businesses or Congress, we know that compromise is a way of getting a deal, and seeing that the idea of “win-win” is a good idea. Both sides can get at least some of what they want or need.

Unfortunately, in the United States today, each political party tends to demonize the other. In so doing, trades and compromise cannot happen. The base of each party will howl with fury about dealing with those opponents who are “wrong and evil”.

As long as we demonize the other party, we hurt ourselves. In the long run, we ARE on the same team. Let’s not call opponents horrible names and then expect that we can make a win-win deal. Civility is a basis for trades, compromise and a sense of community. Is it too much to ask that our elected officials act civilly toward one another so that we can make things better for all?