Since you have been chosen by God who has given you this new kind of life, and because of his deep love and concern for you, you should practice tenderhearted mercy and kindness to others.

Colossians 3:12 (Living Bible)

In the past, I have written about how God has chosen to limit himself when he created human beings. He chose to give us the free will to accept him and his grace, or we can reject that grace and proceed along doing whatever we want in life. That freedom is an amazing gift, but it also comes with responsibilities. There are consequences for the choices that we make.

At the same time, we can limit God. We can opt out of the power given to us to have great impact in the world. We do this by not recognizing or accepting that we are made in His image, and that we have his Spirit as an advocate and guide for us. We can limit him by not trusting that he loves us like he says that he does.

Often, I talk with people who say that they have a hard time believing that God cares about them or that he loves them. They feel that God is distant, or that they are unworthy of his love. We all can understand that. As we see our own fallen nature, we feel unworthy of the love of the perfect God. Yet, God’s love for us is not dependent upon our feelings. His promise stands whether or not we feel loved. Indeed, many people feel unlovable for many reasons, such as early trauma, rejections, or guilt over how they have acted toward others.

As I say often, just because we feel something does not make it true. Faith is taking God at his word, whether or not we understand it. Grace is unmerited favor, so do not try to understand that concept with mere logic. Just accept the love God has for you. If we don’t, we have limited God’s best for us.

Prayer: Thank you for your amazing love for us! Amen

Though I am the least deserving of all God’s people, he graciously gave me the privilege of telling the Gentiles about the endless treasures available to them in Christ.                       Ephesians 3:8

This verse has always struck me. Paul a giant of the faith, one who had a deeply moving experience with God on the road to Damascus, calls himself “the least deserving” of all God’s people. Was this false humility? I don’t think so. Paul, who had also said that he had a “thorn in the flesh” from which he had not been delivered, was a man, I believe, deeply beset by a sense of shame.  

I am not a Bible scholar, and this is strictly an amateur opinion of mine. Paul was a man who lived a life deeply committed to Jesus, and was also deeply flawed. Sounds like a guy I would really like and could relate to.

Paul had persecuted Christians, and he had been present at the stoning of Stephen, an early martyr. Stephen’s last words were: “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.

If you are present, indeed complicit, in the murder of a person who is praying for your soul while you stand by assenting to that death, I have to believe that it leaves a deep impression. Was this really the moment that prepared Saul (before he became Paul) to see that those Christians were a different kind of people?

Maybe Paul, remembering those haunting words, saw himself, even after his redemption, as a man with scars. Maybe those scars were remnants of incomplete self-forgiveness. Who could blame him? Yes, he was forgiven by an amazing grace. Yet, he knew what he did. He knew that old Saul was still part of his story. 

I don’t know. This is complete speculation on my part. But I think there is something to it. We all know what we have done, better than anyone else ever can. Yes, we are forgiven, but maybe there is a part of us that always reminds ourselves of that past, however forgiven it might be.

My point? Don’t be too hard on yourself if you still harbor some lingering elements of self-unforgiveness. You are in good company. But remember also, that God is not the one remembering those faults. His plan is for us to have complete forgiveness, including forgiving ourselves.

 In the words of the old comic strip character Pogo- “we have met the enemy, and the enemy is us”

Prayer: Thank you for the truth that you have forgiven our sins “as far as the east is from the west”, Amen.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”                                                Matthew 22:37-40

 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:                                                              Deuteronomy 6:4-6

When Jesus was asked the question, “What is the greatest commandment in the law?”, he responded with a quote from Deuteronomy- “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” 

Jesus responded with this very familiar quote from the book of Deuteronomy- a quote which every Jewish person could immediately understand, and indeed, quote from memory. This is part of the “Shema”,Hebrew for “I hear”, a memorized saying that was dear to the Jewish heart and mind.

Jesus had said that he did not come to do away with the Law, but rather to complete it. The Law of love is one that is a commandment, not a feeling. Do you note that the commandment starts with “Love the Lord”. It is a direct command to love God, not to have some emotional response.

Similarly, when we decide to marry our spouse, we commit to loving them. We make a decision to love them, “in good times and bad”, etc. We make a decision to love.

I noted this with some clients the other day who have been struggling with marriage problems. I pointed out to them that they had decided, at one point, to love one another, not to ride the roller coaster of emotions that some couples seem to equate with marital love. The clients agreed that, despite their troubles, they had decided to love one another, and had committed to that the day that they were married. Indeed, maybe that is what has sustained them.

My point is simply this. We are human, and we will disappoint our partner with our actions, attitudes and behaviors at times. This will happen because we are human. We make a decision to love our spouse, even when it is hard to do. After all, we are not always loveable, and we need love the most when we are the least loveable. (If I were a preacher, I might say, “Can I get an Amen?”)

Don’t worry, I am not a preacher, but I do try to speak truth to my clients. Love in hard times is just that- hard. We do it because we have committed to do it, not necessarily because we feel it at that moment.  So, “Love one another”, even when it doesn’t “feel” right.           

It is right.

Prayer: Lord, help us to love one another, even when it is hard to do, Amen

The world of the generous gets larger and larger;
    the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.

 The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed;
    those who help others are helped.

Proverbs 11:24-25 (The Message)

As we grow and mature from infancy to adulthood and finally into our senior years, our world should get larger, not smaller. When a baby is born, the world essentially centers around that baby, and rightly so. All attention is given to the care, nurture and safety of that precious child. As the child gets older, her world gets larger. More people come into her life- maybe a new sibling; daycare playmates; pre-school peers, etc. She needs to learn to share her space with others.

As we get older still, we must share more things with others, and we must learn to be socially aware. We begin to understand that there are many others in the world, and that the world is not here to cater to my needs.

As we get older still, we continue to learn about this marvelous world. We understand that there is always something new to learn, and that others are on that journey with us who may need our help.

Even as we get older still, we need to be ready to learn new things to expand our world. The book of Proverbs talks about one way to expand our world through generosity. The paradox it explains is that the more we help, the more we are helped.

Pretty amazing, right?

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your marvelous plans of how we learn and grow until we die, Amen

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way                                                                                                                                                                     James 1:2-3 (The Message)

In the counseling world, and indeed much of the media, trauma and its effects have been getting a great deal of attention in recent years. Of course, we recall that after the Vietnam War, PTSD was introduced as the term that diagnostically captures the effects of trauma in soldiers returning from conflict. In earlier wars, terms such as “shell shock” and “combat fatigue” tried to describe the devastation of the horrors of conflict.

Trauma however, is ubiquitous in human life. Every one of us has faced a trauma (and often, many) in our lives. I use that term, because trauma need not be catastrophic to be called “trauma”. Trauma is any event or prolonged stress exposure that makes significant changes in our lives, and even in how our brains work. Yes, it literally changes how we think and perceive.

We must also avoid trying to gauge “how traumatic” an event is in the lives of others. Judging how “your trauma is more significant than my trauma” (or vice versa) is both futile and pointless. If someone has experienced events that they believe are traumatic, then they are traumatic events in their life.

I say all this to recognize that trauma changes our life, and typically imprints sustained memory of the events(s). How we handle that trauma is the key. How do we respond? Do we seek help for it? Do we keep it a dark secret? Do we let it define our life negatively? Do we seek potentially destructive behaviors to try to deal with it?

There are many healthy, and unhealthy, ways to respond to trauma in our life. In future blogs, I will explore some of these responses.

Prayer: Lord, give us wisdom as to how to respond to life events that can so change our world, Amen

The tongue has the power of life and death,
    and those who love it will eat its fruit                                          Proverbs 18:21

I was speaking recently with a client about the concept of forgiveness. We discussed the difference between saying “I’m Sorry”, and saying “Forgive Me”. She was struck by the simple nuance and power of the wording. I suggested that there can be a large difference in attitude and perception between those statements.

When one says “I’m sorry”, there may indeed be true repentance, but the control of the sentiment belongs to the one apologizing. The words, while perhaps being sincere, can sound trite and hollow- almost like a “drive-by” statement. It may feel something like, “there I’ve said the magic words, now I’m OK”

Asking for forgiveness, on the other hand carries a real sense of humility. One is asking the other person, the offended party, to free us from guilt. The one seeking forgiveness recognizes that the power here is in the hands of the one who was offended. The offender puts him/herself in the hands of the offended person.

So, just a little thought for today. Words have power, and can connote different meanings depending on how they are used. My client found this to be very meaningful, and I hope that you do too!

Prayer: Lord, help us to choose our words wisely, Amen

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.                                                                   Proverbs 4:23

I recently spoke with a client about some of his strengths, including his empathy and self-awareness. As usual, this client did not see these attributes as strengths, but rather as his “Achilles Heel”. As we remember, Achilles was a remarkably gifted mythical warrior whose only vulnerability was his heel. Of course, Achilles was eventually taken down by an arrow to his heel.

I talked with my client about his great gift of sensitivity. I suggested that he needs to preserve this gift by guarding his heart, not hardening it. People with such sensitive spirits can be amazingly helpful and uplifting to others, but they may pay a high price of letting their hearts be vulnerable to being wounded and broken.

The goal is to guard our heart by being aware of tendencies which might cause us to over-identify with others. We need to have good boundaries, but at the same time, maintain an open heart. We must avoid becoming hardened to the pain we experience, thereby potentially becoming bitter, and actually losing that strength that is so important. 

Finding safe places to process what we have experienced emotionally is critical to guarding our heart. We all need safe places to land, and people that we trust, in order to maintain a tender heart which can be of value to others, as well as ourselves.

Prayer: Lord, protect our hearts so that we can be of greater value to others, Amen

The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship.                         Psalm 19:1

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.                       Hebrews 11:1

I was listening to a podcast today from a scientist who is a devout Christian. He was talking about the new Webb telescope that is sending incredible images back to earth from its perch high in space- higher altitude than any telescope ever launched could previously attain. It can “see” the origins of stars from billions of light years away. Indeed, just that statement boggles the mind. We cannot truly comprehend the distance of the light from stars that far away. Such a telescope can take us back nearly to the origins of the universe. We are seeing light that was emanating from stars billions of years ago. Wilder still, that universe is still expanding at a very fast rate.

Even more amazing is the fact that much of the universe is comprised of matter and energy that we cannot measure or really understand. “Dark matter” and “dark energy” abound in the universe, and we simply do not fully understand it – other than the fact that scientists have shown that such entities do exist, even though we do not see or understand them.

All this is to say that science seems to rely quite a bit on faith. People of faith have deeply held beliefs and understandings of God and his creation. We know that there is much we cannot see, but we know that there is a rich spiritual dimension all around us. The Bible clearly states that we are surrounded by spiritual beings and that we can be reassured of things unseen.

The creation of this amazing universe is far beyond our understanding, but the Creator of it can be known. He manifests his glory every day in our surroundings. Now he is continuing to manifest his glory through the lenses of a telescope.

We didn’t really need a telescope to recognize that creation is awesome. I love the fact, however, that science every day is proving the glory of creation, and by inference, the glory of the Creator.

Prayer: We are humbled Lord by your creation, and awed by your plans, Amen

Read Genesis 18:16-33

If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”                                                   Luke 11:13

There was a TV show many years ago titled Let’s Make A Deal! It was a popular game show hosted by Monte Hall and it challenged contestants to make deals that could benefit them, or if they chose the wrong deal, it could break them. It also brought some phrases into the popular culture, like “I’ll take door #…”

I was thinking the other day about how we make deals with God. The phrase “foxhole conversion” came about to illustrate the desperate pleas of soldiers who were literally fearing for their lives in the heat of battle. They would promise God that, if they survived, they would enter the priesthood, or they would never cheat again, or that they would start doing some actions to benefit others, or they would stop doing sinful behaviors, etc.  You know, they were like you and me.

We bargain with God, and I’m sure we do it to feel better about a situation -like we can change God’s mind on something, or that we can escape some awful fate. If God just does this one thing for me, I’ll pay him back in a big way!

I love the story in Genesis where Abraham bargains with God to spare the city of Sodom. When God reveals to Abraham that he plans to destroy wicked Sodom, Abraham wheels and deals it down to ten people. If there could be found just ten good people, God promised not to destroy Sodom. Abraham was a pretty good negotiator, because he started at fifty good people, and he bargained God down to just ten good people!

First of all, I am sure that God did not want to destroy Sodom at all, and he was bantering with Abraham in a relationship. Abraham was bargaining with God to spare his kinsman, Lot. He was not getting any personal benefit other than the fact that he wanted God to spare a family member.

Wasn’t it interesting that Abraham felt comfortable bargaining with the Creator of the Universe? I mean, when I talk with God, I wonder how I can make a deal with the almighty God. Who am I to argue with him?

Then I remember that God wants to give us good gifts. He wants us to have relationship with him. He wants our input into desperate situations because it makes us reflect on our dependence upon him.

So, the next time you have a bargaining session with God, remember who he is, and who you are, but also remember, he wants the conversation!  

Prayer: Thank you Lord for making the plan that we can have a relationship with you, Amen

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.                            Proverbs 22:6

Over the years of my practice, I have seen numerous instances where my client has related that they were not affirmed by their parents. This takes many forms- from outright abuse, to neglect, to simple failure to nurture the dreams of their children.

Again, I am not one to push onto parents all the failures in adulthood that my clients face. We are all aware that even with childhoods that were less than perfect, we still have the choices and opportunities to become successful adults. Of course, clients who have had the trauma of abuse have a terrible burden to overcome, but indeed, many of my clients have overcome in spectacular ways.

However, parents need to recognize that their children have dreams, and often the talent and ambition to back that up. Our job as parents is to help identify those dreams and talents of our children and nurture them any way that we can. Just letting a child know that he/she can achieve their dreams, no matter what they are, is a huge encouragement. It says, “I believe in you!”

Kids look to their parents for validation, in some form, their whole life. Let’s make sure that they do not feel that they have to work hard for our love and affirmation. Just like God loves us right where we are (and He does), we need to clearly convey that to our children regularly. We need to express to them verbally and non-verbally that they can reach their dreams, and that we believe in them.

Prayer: Lord, help us to identify the dreams and gifts of our children and the next generations, and to nurture those dreams, Amen