After this a lot of his disciples left. They no longer wanted to be associated with him. Then Jesus gave the Twelve their chance: “Do you also want to leave?”

 Peter replied, “Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We’ve already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God.”

There is a now famous saying that President Harry S. Truman had on a little plaque on his desk- “The Buck Stops Here”. The saying is perhaps a bit trite nowadays, but the principle is still relevant. Back in those days, the early 1950’s, the idea resonated bit more than it does today. We had just come through the great conflict of World War II, and military type thinking was still much more accepted. Radical responsibility said that the leader took full ownership of anything that happened under his/her watch. If there was a mishap, a failure, a problem, the leader took responsibility for it, even if the specifics of the problem were not directly attributable to the leader.

President Truman had to make some very difficult decisions. He had to decide upon dropping the atomic bomb on Japan. He had to decide proper actions on a national steel strike. He had to decide on firing General Douglas MacArthur when MacArthur defied orders. Truman made some important, and often unpopular decisions, but he owned them and accepted the consequences. 

Perhaps this is harsh, but it points out the ultimate nature of responsibility. The leader does not get to blame underlings or others for failures that happen on his/her watch. Blame is not projected onto others, and the leader cannot act like a victim. Real leaders accept that they are ultimately responsible for the organization they lead and, by extension, the lives of those people in that organization.

People can follow a leader whom they trust. People can trust leaders who accept responsibility, and those who own the consequences of their decisions. Casting blame onto others for failures is not an option. Yes, leadership is hard, and often unfair. But that is the cost of leadership.

Prayer: As Peter replied to Jesus, you are the only leader who has the words of life. Help us follow, Amen.

“But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”                                              Matthew 5:48

Jesus said in Matthew 5:48 “But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” So, what in the world was Jesus saying there? He wants us to be perfect? Yeah, no chance of that here.

Remember those math equations that plotted curves that come close to the graph axis but never touch it? Yeah, I didn’t either, but there are some equations whose points plot a curve that comes ever closer to an axis without touching it. That might be just like us. We get closer to perfection, and that is the goal, but we never reach it. We will not see perfection in this life on earth.

I think the idea here is that we are not to be perfect, but we are to be on the road to perfection. In other words, we have choices to make. We can decide which roads we will take in life. No matter what road we choose, we will not execute it perfectly. However, the key is choosing the right roads.

The roads we need to take are those that are not the easy roads- the ones which do not challenge us to be the best we can be. The roads we must take are the hard roads which challenge us to make choices larger than ourselves. Those are the roads that are of benefit to others whom we love. Because we have decided that following Jesus is about sacrificing so that others may have access to some of the benefits we have enjoyed, we have then followed Jesus.

Keeping blessings to ourselves is a road we can take, but it will not lead us to the place of perfection that God has intended for us. There cannot be love without sacrifice. It costs something to love others. To the extent that we take roads that lead us toward the way of sharing blessings and helping others to find that road- that is the road to perfection.

Don’t despair, you are not perfect. But make sure to choose the right roads, and you will be heading in the direction God has called “perfect”.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see the roads you would have us follow, Amen

Now I want to ask a favor of you. I could demand it of you in the name of Christ because it is the right thing for you to do, but I love you and prefer just to ask you—I, Paul, an old man now, here in jail for the sake of Jesus Christ.  My plea is that you show kindness to my child Onesimus, whom I won to the Lord while here in my chains.  Onesimus (whose name means “Useful”) hasn’t been of much use to you in the past, but now he is going to be of real use to both of us.  I am sending him back to you, and with him comes my own heart.                                                                                                                          Philemon 1:8-12

We have all had the experience of asking people to be references for us when we apply for a new job. As an employer, I had to call these references to inquire about the prospective employee. Often, if I knew the person who was the reference, I would not even need to make the call. If the prospective employee was vouched for by an individual whom I knew, and that person was a person of integrity, that would be good enough. That prospective employee already had a foot in the door because I was leaning on the credibility of their reference.

There are two instances in the Bible where I saw that process at work. One was in the book of Acts, when Paul (formerly Saul, the Christian killer) had been vouched for by Ananias. Ananias had been given a vision by God that he was to heal Paul from temporary blindness, and then introduce him to the community whom he had been persecuting. Because people trusted Ananias, they trusted Paul. That was a leap of faith!

Then years later, Paul returned the favor by taking in Onesimus, a runaway slave, and then asking Philemon, for whom Onesimus was a slave, to take Onesimus back- not as a slave, but as a brother in Christ. Paul was deft and convincing in his arguments to Philemon, and Onesimus went on to become a leader in the young Christian Church years later.

We give our credibility to causes and people that we care about. As people trust us, they trust our friends and our causes. So, it is a high calling to be a follower of Jesus. As our reputation goes with people, so goes the reputation of Jesus to people who may know of him only through our behavior.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the plan of letting us be the ambassadors for you on earth, Amen

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres        I Corinthians 13:4-7          

Love has many meanings in English, but we really just have one word for it. According to research on definitions of love in the Bible, the ancient Greeks were very specific and particular in their words for love, and they broke it down this way. They had four words to describe different forms of love precisely: “Storge” or family love; “Philia”, or brotherly love; “Agape”, or sacrificial or unconditional love; and “Eros”, sexual or marital love.

The “Storge” type love (pronounced Stor-hay), was for family love, a deep and protective affection that binds families tightly together. Philia, or brotherly love, is commonly known. We all know Philadelphia (City of Love), and the irony of the “loving” Philly sports fans showing love to people on the field in their own unique ways. They actually booed Santa Claus one year, but that is another story. Phileo type love is “I love you as you love me”. Good type of love for neighbors and communities, but not the highest ideal of it.

Eros, the one we are likely most in touch with in popular culture, has to do with passion and sexual attraction. It arouses a lot of energy, but often, like an intense fire, it can burn hot and quickly, and it may burn itself out.

Agape love is the ideal. It is the love God has for his creation. Selfless and unconditional, there is nothing the loved one can do to escape such love. It is there despite any actions that may try to thwart it. It is supernatural.

At times, we all display these types of love for others. They are all good in their own way, but the key is to recognize each for what it is, and not to deceive ourselves that we love better than we actually do. We love imperfectly. But as I said in an earlier reflection, acceptance of imperfect is OK. We just need to be on the right path.

We are called to a more perfect love. Fortunately, we have a Friend who loves us right where we are, wherever that might be along the road.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the unconditional love you have for us, Amen.

But I have to say
I’ve been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What’s love got to do, got to do with it
What’s love but a sweet old fashioned notion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken 

 Tina Turner Song (1984)

A real love for others will chase those worries away. The thought of being punished is what makes us afraid. It shows we have not really learned to love.                                                                                      I John 4:18

So, if ever there were a topic to discuss that is so large and so complex, it is love. There are many aspects of it, of course. More popular songs have been written about the topic than any other subject. It is a topic near and dear to us, and it is of crucial importance. It is misunderstood, misused, and so often missing in a world that needs it as its guiding principle.

Romantic love is intoxicating. It is chemistry. It is exciting. It is incomplete. Of course, we are completely enamored with it.

 I see so often in relationships that people will say something like, “I love her, but I’m not in love with her.”  That is a convenient way to say that the physical intoxication, the romance, the chemistry, has faded away. So, now the relationship’s energy is not like it was. This often becomes the “permission” to seek to break off from the partner. That kind of love is incomplete. In a committed relationship, when you have “lost that loving feeling” (yeah, another old school song reference, look it up) is not the time to look for another partner. It is the time to work on real loving.  

Real love is a decision. Real love takes sacrifice. There has never been true love without sacrifice. Just look at the example of Jesus, who showed the cost of real love.

So, in the coming days, we will be looking at some aspects of love.  Would love to have you with me on the journey!

Prayer: Father, give us better understanding of your loving nature so that we can heal your creation, Amen.

Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”                                                                                       Exodus 4:10-12

Today we look at the other part of being safe and effective in helping others- effective.  Having the right attitude, being safe, is a necessary component of helping others. However, it is not sufficient to simply have the correct attitude. One needs some tools to be effective in the helping process. I have found, and research confirms, that asking questions in a meaningful and sincere manner, is important in the healing process. Coming alongside the person who needs some support is best achieved by interest in learning the space where someone is at that time. It is not our job to take someone where WE think they need to go. It is our job to get to know their journey well enough, and earn the right to involve ourselves with them in that journey. This can take time and patience, and that is at times a sacrifice.

Genuine interest is, in itself, healing. Questions about background, interests, desires, and hopes are important in establishing rapport and credibility. This is not a feigned interest. If it is not genuine, let someone else be the helper.

Questions then can open up the areas of discussion which need to be pursued. A small sample of questions might be- “What would you like to do in this situation?”; “What is stopping you from doing that?”; “What have you tried?” ; “What is your biggest fear?”; “Who do you usually talk to about such things?” Such questions are just an example of ways to get at deeper issues which may be weighing on the person in need.

I believe that the best kid of ability is availability. Showing up and being available is critically important. Questions are the ways to unlock the best resources for the person we are helping. That is, letting them know that they possess the answers to their own problems- we are just facilitating the help.

Warmth is a key in gaining rapport. I define warmth as effective non-verbal communication. We are seen as being warm through our non-verbals, mostly. That is eye contact, smiles, nodding our head to let people know we are with them, and body posture that is open and welcoming.

I loved the response that God gave to Moses at the burning bush when Moses, so unsure of himself, believed that he was not the right person for the job of leading the Israelites. In the passage from Exodus, above, God essentially told Moses, “You be available, I am able”

That is the approach I like. We just need to be really available, and God can do his work through us.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for giving us the privilege to serve others. You are able as we submit, Amen.

A friend loves at all times,
    and a brother is born for a time of adversity                                                                                 Proverbs 17:17

Today, a few thoughts on ways to be helpful to people who are struggling with some emotional response in these stressful days. In the past, I have written about how stress affects us in all ways- physically, spiritually, and emotionally. So, I want to give just a few thoughts on how to reach out to one another. Encouraging words, as I discussed, are healing to both body and spirit. However, to go a bit deeper, I will share some considerations about helping others.

I think we need to consider the two factors that we always use when we hear about therapeutic medications- safe and effective. Pharmaceutical companies typically advertise that their products are “safe and effective” By that, they mean that the drugs will not produce undue harm, and that they have been shown to have some level of actually working to solve the medical problem for which they were developed.

So, helpers also need to be “safe and effective”. That means that we are “safe people”. In this case, safe means that we are trying to be helpful and available to help the other person, not to get our own needs met. That we can be non-judging and accepting. That we will not add to the burden already there for the person we help. That what they tell us is confidential, and will not be spread to others.

I recognize that I am discussing informal, friendly interventions, not professional counseling. Friends are not legally held to standards of confidentiality, yet there needs to be a discussion about where the information can go. The general rule, however, is that the helping person is not the owner of the information, and that she/he has no right to share it without permission.

Finally, if possible, the helper should consider pointing the friend toward other safe people, who can be of help. Isolation is the thing that can get us in trouble during times of stress. Having a group of people who care is a tremendous help in our collective efforts to handle stressful times.

Tomorrow, we discuss “effective”.

In the meantime, “be safe out there”!

Prayer: Lord, help us to be strong and safe as we go about helping one another in hard times, Amen.

When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help.“Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”

 Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”

 The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed.  For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.  I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven.  But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

Matthew 8:5-12

Time after time in the Bible, we see Jesus doing things that confounded his followers. Even his coming to Earth confounded people. Seeing the world from upside down is sometimes the best way to look at it. What do I mean by that?

We look at things through the eyes of logic and reason (mostly) and we have certain expectations of the world. The Jewish followers of Jesus expected that he came to save the Jews from an evil world (the Roman overlords), and to cast out those who were not rigid followers of the Jewish Laws set forth generations prior. All those who were not followers of Yahweh were to be avoided. Those religions were inferior and threatening to the religion of the True God.

Jesus confounded that thinking by giving examples of non-Jews who put rigid religious behaviors to shame. The Good Samaritan is a prime example. The Woman at the Well is another. The story from the passage cited above talks about the faith of a Centurion is another one of many.

Many religious people do much the same as the Jews did and try to make a relationship with God formulaic. Maybe having a formula helps us to feel better somehow, but rigid adherence to formulas isn’t the way that we can reach to God. He has already reached to us (another paradox) with Jesus, whose life was an example of loving those around him.

My point is that just when we think we have figured out a religious method and approach to God, he confounds us again. He says in so many words (if I may be so presumptuous as to put my words in God’s mouth!)

 “You all are overthinking this, folks. Love me by loving one another. Because I have forgiven you, and paid a high price to do so, forgive one another. Quit trying to reduce me to formulas- just go about loving one another and it will please me.”

Prayer: Lord, I trust in the simple approach to you and not tying you to formulas. Thank you for your love for us, Amen

Jesus knew on the evening of Passover Day that it would be his last night on earth before returning to his Father. During supper the devil had already suggested to Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, that this was the night to carry out his plan to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had given him everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. And how he loved his disciples!  So, he got up from the supper table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his loins, poured water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel he had around him.     John 13:1-5

I have spoken to groups about leadership principles over the years, and one of the topics I discuss is the idea of influence vs. control. The role of leadership I contend, has much more to do with influencing others rather than controlling them. Even in our personal relationships, I recognize that I can have a certain amount of influence, gained over time, by consistent caring behavior, and an adherence to principles. I likely will not change another’s mind by forcing my will upon them.

Influential leaders call people to a higher level of performance and personal expectations. Trying to control behaviors often ends up in resentment and “pseudo-compliance”. Controllers want conformity to standards. That is not a bad thing since organizations need a certain level of compliance to meet organizational goals. The nuance is, how does the person being led respond? Are they resentful and bitter, or do they see that they are valued by the leader?

Influencers, on the other hand, can lead by bringing out the best in those they lead, and thereby attain goals while showing respect to those they lead. Influencers inspire others. Controllers… well they control the behavior of others.   

My point is simply this. Good leaders can inspire others by example, and by basic respect of others. Jesus led others by serving them.

What an awesome example of leadership!

Prayer: Jesus, you have shown how loving others is the best possible way to lead, Amen

The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher               Luke 6:40 (NIV)

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” This oft-quoted proverb may have origins in an ancient Zen tradition, or it may have popped up in the 19^th century. Like other intriguing quotes, we may not be able to cleanly trace the origin of it.

Whatever the origin, I like the quote. There is a truth to it that is not particularly mystical. It simply means that there are times when we are receptive to learning. Until that time, we will not see the truth of the matter. When we are ready to learn, there will be a person or situation who will verify that truth to us that we may have unconsciously pursued.

Pursuing the teacher, I think, is the key to learning. Desiring to always be learning is critical for us, no matter what our age. That takes certain virtues, like humility, patience, curiosity, and perhaps a few other qualities. Willingness to learn, and the wisdom to recognize that we do not have the complete corner on truth are qualities that enable such life-long learning.

I had a conversation recently with my oldest brother, Joe, known in his Franciscan Order as Father Dennet. He has lived many decades of life and has doctorate level education, but he has more than education- he has wisdom. He is a life-long learner, and he shares with me that he continues to learn daily.

As the disciples of Jesus were said to have “walked in the dust of the Rabbi” because they followed him so closely, so too should we follow those teachers who may appear to us at any moment that we are ready to learn.

Prayer: Father, thank you for sending us teachers to learn of your Wisdom, Amen