For many of my readers, I need not write any more. When they see that date, they instantly remember what I am talking about, where they were when they heard the news, and how it changed their life. That was exactly 60 years ago today.

Of course, this was the date of the signal event of the Baby Boomer generation, and indeed, of all who were living on that date. It was the date of John F. Kennedy’s assassination. My younger readers may say that September 11, 2001 was their signal event, and I certainly understand that.

In my eyes, November 22, 1963 was the real date of the end of the halcyon days of the post World War II 1950’s. After that date, the 60’s began. Life got a little more unsettled. The American culture changed over the 1960’s ushering in a new generation and a new way of looking at America. We were less certain of things, and the pace of change in government, music, popular culture, style, education, entertainment etc. became dramatic.

I am sure that other eras of time could also be explained in the same type of terms by other people. My perspective, and that of many of my generation was changed that day. Maybe that was because I was 13 years old and starting adolescence. Maybe because I think America had a significant loss of innocence that day. Maybe because that was the gateway to a very violent 1960’s which witnessed the gun deaths of Martin Luther King Jr., Robert Kennedy, Malcolm X, and the attempted murder on presidential candidate George Wallace.

At any rate, take a moment to pause and reflect upon how that day affected you. Where were you when you heard the news? How did that feel to you? With whom did you share your pain and grief that day?

So, I will end on a better note. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a day to be grateful to God for his blessings and protection. May you have a wonderful day with friends and family!

Blessings…

He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak                            Isaiah 40:29

Often, other people see things in us that we do not see in ourselves. One of the things that I do as a counselor is get to know my clients, and try to see in them things that they may not see for themselves. Indeed, clients give me permission to speak into their lives, giving them constructive feedback, as well as encouragement. It is an act of humility on the part of a client to give such permission, especially to someone that they do not know. They are showing a level of trust in me before they even know me. I deeply appreciate that trust, and it is my job to honor that by being truthful, holding their best interest at stake, keeping their information confidential, and seeing them as God does as best I can.

As people unfold their story to me, I can gradually get to know how they see the world. I also begin to see strengths in them that they may not see, or maybe they have never given the chance to develop. It is my job to look for those strengths so that we can employ them in dealing with problems, or helping them to manage those strengths better. Remember, strengths to an extreme can become weaknesses, so we must learn to manage those strengths well.

We saw when Jesus chose his disciples that he picked people who were not, in the world’s eyes, the most successful people, or the most learned people. Yet Jesus saw something in them that they did not see in themselves.

John, for example, was called, along with his brother, “a son of thunder” because he had a volatile temper, and an arrogant view about his position in life. Simon, later called Peter, was an exuberant, impulsive, man who frequently spoke before he thought.  He was not the most stable of people in making commitments.

Yet Jesus saw in them characteristics that they did not see themselves. Their affiliation with Jesus transformed them into the men they could be. Jesus had seen that potential, and he spoke that into them.

John later became the loving apostle who wrote such beautiful commentary on how we should love one another. Volatile Simon became “Peter, the Rock”, the one on whom Jesus said he would help build his church. Imagine Simon hearing that he was a “rock”- a solid, capable man of strength. Sometimes, when we hear about the person who we CAN become, we DO become that person.

Prayer: Father, thank you for people who see things in us that we do not see for ourselves. Give us the humility to receive it well, Amen.

Carrying out this social relief work involves far more than helping meet the bare needs of poor Christians. It also produces abundant and bountiful thanksgivings to God. This relief offering is a prod to live at your very best, showing your gratitude to God by being openly obedient to the plain meaning of the Message of Christ. You show your gratitude through your generous offerings to your needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone            II Corinthians 9:12-15 (The Message)

This is Thanksgiving week, and it is also a favorite time of year for me. It brings back memories of past family holidays, traditions, and feelings of warmth and goodwill. It is a reminder, as if we should need it, that we are incredibly blessed and that sincere gratitude is in order for those blessings.

I suggest to my clients that starting the day with gratitude sets the tone for the day. We can be thankful for a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, a nice warm shower, even the fact that we woke to another day. In other words, everything that we might otherwise take for granted. People in recovery often are challenged by a sponsor to make a gratitude list in order to shape their attitude for the day. You know, “an attitude of gratitude”.

So, as we start this Thanksgiving week in the United States, we are officially and collectively called to be thankful for our many blessings. Doing this daily on a personal level is a healthy way to keep that good attitude that gets us through days that are sometimes challenging.

Prayer: Lord, you are the giver of good gifts, and we are grateful for those blessings, Amen

As I do every year on November 19^th, I reprint the greatest speech ever given on American soil.  Abraham Lincoln had the gifts of humility and brevity, and both are clear in this marvelously understated and powerful speech. I reprint it in these days of political turmoil when our politicians desperately need to see that virtues such as humility and empathy are not signs of weakness in leaders, but indicators of great strength. Without further explanation, I defer to the great President and orator, Abraham Lincoln…

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But in a larger sense we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us, that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion, that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

This is a reprint of an older blog to enjoy while I take some time off for vacation. Hope you enjoy it…

I looked back in some old files and found a document that I had written just after my wife and I had led a leadership group for a select group of 17-year-olds from our city. In that program, we introduced them to community leaders, showed them how a number of non-profit agencies in the community worked together to help people, and taught them things we had learned from our own experience as we lived and worked in our town.

After that program, I wrote a list of the 10 things that I wished someone had shared with me when I was 17 years old. Here is that list that I shared with those young people…

1. It takes so little to be above average. An extra 15 minutes a day spent in reading, journaling, self-reflection, or writing a note to someone can set one apart as “above average”
2. Whenever possible, do not use the word “they” when talking about a group or place of employment of which you are a part. Try to use the word “we”. It implies ownership of what is going on, not shifting blame when something goes wrong.
3. Other people generally want to be liked as much as you do.
4. Life is about people, not projects, not success, not grades, not money.
5. Jobs come and go, but you only get one family.
6. Employers are usually looking for character more than skill. They can teach skills, not character
7. If you can laugh at yourself, you will receive grace from others.
8. Be able to say “I’m sorry”
9. Praise people in public, and correct them in private.
10. Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out alive!

So that’s it. Plenty more things that 17-year-olds need to learn, but that is my hot list for today. What’s yours?

When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
    but with humility comes wisdom                                                                         Proverbs 11:2

I was speaking with a client the other day, and we were exploring the ways that he relates to his wife. He is, by nature, a problem solver, and he approaches many situations with his wife from the perspective of giving her solutions to problems, or suggesting things she could or should do to help her situation. He ends up coming across as controlling, or a “know-it-all”, and his wife then often just “shuts down”.

The more we discussed the dynamic, I suggested that he take an empathic approach to her current depression, which leaves her with little energy, and often a messy environment around her. I suggested that he consider saying things like, “I know that you must be really suffering with this depression. What can I do to help”?

This allows his wife to feel better understood, not judged for her depressive lethargy, and it empowers her to try to solve her own problems with his help. Currently, she feels disrespected, judged, and unheard.

The client had a bit of an “Aha!” experience. He saw that his current approach could come across as uncaring and harsh. He is a willing learner, and he agreed that he needed help to make some changes in his approach to his wife.

Humility is the beginning of wisdom. His willingness to see that he had unknowingly hurt his wife touched him, and that gave him the resolve to try to change. This young man loves his wife, and he plans to work on changing his attitude and approach. What a joy to see a humble heart look to make positive changes!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for humble, willing hearts, Amen

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful. I know that full well                                         Psalm 139:14

Funny thing how we take healing for granted. Yes, we really do. How often have you had some malady- a cold, a sore muscle, a cut, a broken bone? Yes, most of us have had all of them at one time or another. Some people have had much more significant ailments- heart attacks, strokes, cancers- and have, with some treatment, recovered nicely.

Some of the maladies I mentioned above “heal on their own”. That cold, flu, sore muscle, cut, etc. healed without much, if any, medical intervention. Why is that? Because our bodies were made to be self-healing. Our immune system and our system of cell repair has been baked into our bodies by the Creator. He made a wonderful healing machine that we may often take for granted.

Yes, it is absolutely true that such healing will not take place forever. There will be a time when that body breaks down and ages to a point where the system can no longer operate as it was intended.

In the meantime, let us celebrate the everyday miracles of our “healing machine” bodies.

Prayer: Lord, what an amazing plan for your creation! Amen…

Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward them for what they have done. Proverbs 19:17

So, how inspiring is it that the book of Proverbs is explaining the nature and character of God in this way? In the days when that book was being compiled, the current way of relating to a god was a very transactional process. People would find a deity who was the giver of certain gifts (fertility, good crops, health etc.) and, should one make sacrifices to that god, they might be rewarded. There were even societies that made child sacrifices to the god Molech to appease this evidently angry and powerful being.   

Then you have the one true God worshipped by the ancient Hebrews who gave them a moral code that looked quite different. The true God, Yahweh, said that if his people took care of the poor, it was like lending to him, and he would reward those who cared for the “least of the brethren” in the community.

That is still a concept that is true. In the New Testament, there are dozens of assertions that one loves God by loving others. That is a radical concept. Yet, when you think about it, why would anyone want to follow any other Supreme Being? We worship the one who loves those that society discards and marginalizes.

That is all the Truth I need.

Prayer: Lord, what a plan to have us love you by loving your creation, Amen

 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” 

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

The man replied to Jesus “Who is my neighbor?

Luke 10: 25-27

I am reading an excellent, thoughtful book entitled The Ethics of Encounter, by Marcus Mescher. The book is based upon the parable of the Good Samaritan that Jesus told, as recounted in the book of Luke. The parable was in response to the question of a follower who asked the definition of “neighbor”. Jesus had just explained that one gains eternal life by loving God with one’s whole heart, and loving one’s neighbor as one’s self.

The nature of the question seems to be one of trying to define limits to the generosity one must extend by limiting the definition of “neighbor”. We are used to thinking of neighbors as being people we can summon by shouting out our door. Those that hear us are neighbors.  Pretty small definition, right?

Jesus expanded the whole story by not only not limiting who can be considered a “neighbor”, he upped the ante by making the story’s hero a hated Samaritan. He doubled down by having a Priest and a Levite disregard the fallen victim. Jesus knew how to stick the needle into those who would stubbornly try to limit the length of love to be extended outside their own tribe.

We will talk more about this in future blogs. For now, just read the passage in Luke, and take in the beautiful irony that Jesus uses to make his point.  

Prayer: Lord, help us to expand our own definition of neighbor, Amen.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres        I Corinthians 13:4-7          

Love has many meanings in English, but we really just have one word for it. According to research on definitions of love in the Bible, the ancient Greeks were very specific and particular in their words for love, and they broke it down this way. They had four words to describe different forms of love precisely: “Storge” or family love; “Philia”, or brotherly love; “Agape”, or sacrificial or unconditional love; and “Eros”, sexual or marital love.

The “Storge” type love (pronounced Stor-hay), was for family love, a deep and protective affection that binds families tightly together. Philia, or brotherly love, is commonly known. We all know Philadelphia (City of Love), and the irony of the “loving” Philly sports fans showing love to people on the field in their own unique ways. They actually booed Santa Claus one year, but that is another story. Phileo type love is “I love you as you love me”. Good type of love for neighbors and communities, but not the highest ideal of it.

Eros, the one we are likely most in touch with in popular culture, has to do with passion and sexual attraction. It arouses a lot of energy, but often, like an intense fire, it can burn hot and quickly, and it may burn itself out.

Agape love is the ideal. It is the love God has for his creation. Selfless and unconditional, there is nothing the loved one can do to escape such love. It is there despite any actions that may try to thwart it. It is supernatural.

At times, we all display these types of love for others. They are all good in their own way, but the key is to recognize each for what it is, and not to deceive ourselves that we love better than we actually do. We love imperfectly. But as I said in an earlier reflection, acceptance of imperfect is OK. We just need to be on the right path.

We are called to a more perfect love. Fortunately, we have a Friend who loves us right where we are, wherever that might be along the road.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the unconditional love you have for us, Amen.