Christian counselor, and author. My blog appears daily and takes the viewpoint of mental health through the eyes of a Christian counselor. My historical novel series, with the main character Joseph Shepherd, is available through Amazon.
Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control. Proverbs 25:28
Do you remember when politicians disagreed but didn’t call each other names? Do you recall a time when the prevailing motivator of political differences was passion, but not hate and anger?
I do.
I miss those times when people of character could disagree, heartily, passionately and vigorously, yet did not stoop to name calling. We expect our elected leaders to show some character and leadership. We take some degree of comfort knowing that those who may hold the highest offices can actually discipline themselves. Self-discipline seems to be a lost trait. If a person cannot control him/herself, how can they expect to lead others?
I often talk to clients about how the Bible talks about self-discipline. The writer of Proverbs stated that a person who cannot control themself is as defenseless as a city with broken down walls. In those times, a city with broken walls was defenseless and vulnerable to any and all attacks from enemies. That, of course, was a terrible situation.
If we are being led by people who have no self-discipline, we too are in a terrible situation.
Prayer: Lord, we look to you for our protection in perilous times, Amen
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26
As I sit writing this blog entry, I am listening to the songs of birds. That is a pleasant experience all by itself. It is even more encouraging that, while I listen to those birds, my blood pressure is likely a bit lower, my cortisol levels have dropped, and my mood is just that much better. How do I know that? Well, it is a personal experience, but it is also backed by several studies, which show the beneficial effect of listening to birds’ songs.
Yes, walking in nature, listening to birds’ songs, is a significant way to elevate mood, lower anxiety, and promote a sense of well-being. The walking in the sunlight part is just added benefit in keeping blood sugar levels in check, enhancing blood flow, and strengthening lung capacity.
As regular readers know, I am prescriptive to my clients about regular exercise. Now we add the benefit of walking outdoors and listening to the sounds of bird songs, which has been clinically proven to have beneficial effects on mental health.
So, even if you are not physically able to do the walk, try to be in a place where you can hear the birds sing.
It is good for body and soul.
Prayer: Lord, you have given us healing in so many places in your Creation, Amen.
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. II Corinthians 9:6-7
Since the start of the “drive-up window” of fast foods, there has existed this great phenomenon whereby a person in line at the pay window tells the cashier to charge him/her for the bill of the person in the car directly behind. This giving chain can last for dozens of cars at times, and it generates a sense of goodwill that lasts for a long time. It often has a carryover effect that results in more positivity toward others, a more hopeful outlook, and a sense of satisfaction for the giver (who, in this case, may also be a receiver).
An even better variant of this “pay it forward” plan, involves picking out someone, (or ideally, a family) in a restaurant and discretely telling the server that you would like to arrange to pay the bill for that family- anonymously.
This blesses the giver, the recipient, and the waiter/waitress- especially if the donor includes a generous tip for the server. This whole process reminded me about the levels of charity set forth centuries ago by the Jewish philosopher, Moses Maimonides.
Maimonides, a Sephardic Jewish philosopher from the 12th century, defined eight levels in giving charity (tzedakah), each one higher than the preceding one. On an ascending level, they are as follows:
8. When donations are given grudgingly.
7. When one gives less than he should, but does so cheerfully.
6. When one gives directly to the poor upon being asked.
5. When one gives directly to the poor without being asked.
4. Donations when the recipient is aware of the donor’s identity, but the donor still doesn’t know the specific identity of the recipient.
3. Donations when the donor is aware to whom the charity is being given, but the recipient is unaware of the source.
2. Giving assistance in such a way that the giver and recipient are unknown to each other. Communal funds, administered by responsible people are also in this category.
1. The highest form of charity is to help sustain a person before they become impoverished by offering a substantial gift in a dignified manner, or by extending a suitable loan, or by helping them find employment or establish themselves in business so as to make it unnecessary for them to become dependent on others. Anonymous giving is a blessing, and Maimonides identified the value of things like United Way long before such organizations existed. Giving is good for the giver, a plan that is central to our faith.
Prayer: Lord, thank you for the plan to provide for one another. It is good for all of your creation, Amen
All things continue the way they have been since the beginning.
What has happened will happen again;
there is nothing new here on earth.
Ecclesiastes 1:9
This is a picture of the “Maggie Tree”. This time of year, it blossoms and it reminds me of our dear Maggie, our pet mixed breed (OK, mutt) dog whom we cared for and loved from 1988- 2005. She is buried under this tree. In fact, when I buried her, I planted the tree right on top of her. In this way, her body was the basis of the nutrients of this growing tree. It gives me some comfort to know that she still “lives” in this tree. Literally the molecules that comprised her are now living in this tree.
The beauty of creation is that there are no new molecules around. All the molecules that existed in the beginning of time are still with us. There is no new creation or destruction of matter- it simply takes a different form. Amazing right?
So, the cycle of life remains with us very closely. God has promised us that we matter, and we will continue to live with him, in some form, for eternity. What an amazing and comforting thought.
Prayer: Lord, your creation and plans are amazing, Amen
I recently spoke with a client about emotional check-ins during the day. It is a practice that I exercise regularly. Just like we need to have physical disciplines to maintain our physical health, we need emotional check-ins to maintain emotional health. Of course, we also need spiritual check-ins to keep our spiritual health fresh and alive.
The emotional check-ins are really simple. Periodically during the day, one just takes a moment alone, takes a deep breath or two to make a little break from whatever activity we are currently doing, and then we ask ourself, “What is going on with me right now?”
Am I feeling sad, angry, scared, stressed, lonely, grateful- whatever- and we get in touch with it. One must be completely honest and open with what is going on at the moment. Any feeling is just that- it is present at the moment. The feeling need not be negative, although it might be, and we must make room for that possibility.
As we acknowledge what we are feeling- and more than one thing is certainly possible- we accept it and allow ourselves that feeling. Once we acknowledge it, we can decide how we want to react to it. Honesty is the most important part of the exercise. If we are angry, we might want to explore what that is about. Maybe the anger is toward ourself. Maybe it is really fear that looks like anger. Maybe in the moment we don’t really know, but at least we are in touch with what is going on at the present time.
When I suggested this to my client, he admitted that he had never thought to do this, partly because he was more in the practice of checking in with others and how they felt. He agreed that this would be a good little exercise to keep him grounded and self-aware.
So, just a quick little exercise that we can do to stay aware and healthy.
How are you feeling?
Prayer: Lord, help us to take time to breathe and be aware of you and our own current state, Amen.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children—with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
Psalm 103:13-18
I typically give homework to my clients as I have noted in this space in the past. Sometimes I will assign this passage from Psalm 103. What beauty and simplicity is found in this passage. I tell my clients that the Bible writers would often give analogies to teach about the character of God. We can only know of God through the senses, and the tools given to us to understand our world and our environment. Of course, the Spirit of God enlightens us as we give him the room to do so also.
This passage reminds us of God’s love for us – like we love our own children. We can relate to that. I especially like the idea that God knows how we are formed, and he has pity on us. He knows that we are like failed children sometimes, yet he has compassion for us, like we might for a four- year- old child who makes foolish mistakes at times. God is not interested in shaming and humiliating us. Like a loving Father, he has compassion, grace and understanding.
Remember that.
Prayer: Lord, thank you for these simple reminders, Amen
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” John 8:12
We were some of the fortunate people who witnessed a total solar eclipse on Monday, April 8th. The thing that perhaps struck me the most was the fact that until the sun was completely covered by the moon, there was still a striking amount of light reaching the earth. Even when only a sliver of the sun remained visible, there was substantial amount of light being experienced.
It was not until total coverage of the sun took place that we really experienced darkness. That reminded me of the incredible power of the sun to produce heat and light. Even a fraction of the sun’s energy produces a great deal of light.
A principle I have discussed in the past is this- when there is great darkness, even a little light shines brightly. It doesn’t take much light to pierce darkness. As this physical principle is true, so too is the spiritual one. In a world of darkness, just a little light becomes very prominent. Where pain and darkness are present, the presence of a caring friend with a word of encouragement, or even just their presence, brings light and warmth to those who are hurting.
Where little acts of kindness are performed, a great deal of encouragement is felt. So, as I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, we have the power within us to bring light.
When Haman saw that Mordecai would not kneel down or pay him honor, he was enraged.Yet having learned who Mordecai’s people were, he scorned the idea of killing only Mordecai. Instead, Haman looked for a way to destroy all Mordecai’s people, the Jews, throughout the whole kingdom of Xerxes.Then Haman said to King Xerxes, “There is a certain people dispersed among the peoples in all the provinces of your kingdom who keep themselves separate. Their customs are different from those of all other people, and they do not obey the king’s laws; it is not in the king’s best interest to tolerate them. If it pleases the king, let a decree be issued to destroy them, and I will give ten thousand talents of silver to the king’s administrators for the royal treasury.” Esther 3:5-8
Did you know that April is “Genocide Awareness Month”? I didn’t know that until recently, and it made me think about the need for such a month. What an indictment of humanity! The fact is, there have been genocides in existence since the earliest recorded times. Many times, the Jewish people have been the targets of such an abhorrence.
We read early on in the Bible, in the book of Esther, about the plans that Haman had to destroy the Jewish people. Haman’s plot was reportedly fueled by the fact that “those people” were different, and they did not obey the king’s law. Actually, Haman hated the idea that “those people” had their own beliefs and customs, and he hated that he was being diminished and disrespected by them- at least in his own mind.
I read about the genocide in Rwanda where the Hutu people tried to destroy the Tutsi people. Some 800,000 Tutsi were murdered, and 2 million were displaced. All this transpired in roughly a four-month period in April, 1994- almost 30 years ago to this day. The tensions between the tribal peoples had been brewing over generations, but when it broke open, savage killing ruled the land.
How do such atrocities build? They start with the fostering of the idea that differences in people should not be tolerated. That those who are not part of our “tribe” are inferior, and indeed, do not even have personhood.
We need not look far into our own history to see that Americans too, of course, are capable of genocide. Many Native Americans were slaughtered with the justification that they were “savages”.
I discuss this not to impose guilt, although we are certainly guilty of such past sins. Rather, I bring this up to warn that we are all capable of dismissing and labeling other people, which can gradually lead to deciding that they are not really people at all.
Prayer: Lord, forgive us trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us… Amen
“This evil nation is like a man possessed by a demon. For if the demon leaves, it goes into the deserts for a while, seeking rest but finding none. Then it says, ‘I will return to the man I came from.’ So it returns and finds the man’s heart clean but empty! Then the demon finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and all enter the man and live in him. And so he is worse off than before.” Matthew 12:43-45
Maybe some moms still use this little phrase to encourage their little ones to clean their plate. My mom, typical of her generation, would remind me that there were starving children in India, and that somehow, my eating all of my food, including the dreaded overcooked spinach, was essential for those poor children. Her point was that I should be grateful that I had food when they did not. She was right in that, but that analogy never seemed to be a great motivator to get me to eat that spinach.
I was reminded of this when I recently spoke to a client whose husband had cheated on her. She was struggling to rebuild her trust when he pointed out that he had quit cheating and that he had a “clean plate”. He had not, however, tried very hard to restore the broken emotional relationship.
The problem is, having a “clean plate” is not enough to rebuild trust that has been broken. I pointed out that plates are cleaned in order to have new, fresh food placed upon them, not to just stay clean. The point being, one must work to rebuild trust by filling that plate with renewed emotional and spiritual connection.
The parable from Matthew above points out that just ridding ourselves of bad practices does not ensure anything. We need to replace bad practices with good disciplines and strengthened connection with God in order not to fall back into a bad place.
Avoiding evil is not enough. We need to pursue good.
Prayer: Lord, help us to pursue you as you have forgiven us, and given us a “clean plate”, Amen
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:7
“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” Psalm 19:1
I am certain that everyone is aware that there will be a solar eclipse on Monday April 8th. I am also pretty certain that there will also be an April 9th. You see, there are some conspiracy theorists who are using yet another natural, predictable physical phenomenon to say that this is an omen of some far deeper man-made nefarious plot. That maybe the world is going to end, or lives will be terribly disturbed by the eclipse and scientific studies done on it. Indeed, some of those conspiracy folks are making money on huckstering the natural event.
And yes, there are actually people who really believe that the earth is flat, and that QAnon is a viable predictor of truths hidden from regular folks. Yes, there is a conspiracy for every taste.
As my readers know, I am both a man of faith and a man of science. The God of Creation has brought into existence a world of literally unfathomable majesty and awe. I am convinced that we will never totally understand the fullness of this marvelous universe.
So, we were made to be curious, and we do seek to understand this marvelous creation. At the same time, God gave us reasonable, logical minds to bring to bear on understanding this world. So, let us pursue those truths and not be distracted by leaps beyond logic that play into conspiracy theories.
I trust that my readers live in the peace that passes all understanding, and that our faith in God overrides any fears that conspiracies may try to muster.
Prayer: Lord, you know how you have made us, and you desire for us peace based upon your faithfulness, Amen
Reflections of a Counselor 