…turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding                                            Proverbs 2:2

In thinking about my role as a counselor, I decided to make a little list for my readers, perhaps some of whom are not familiar with counseling. This list of roles is in no particular order, and we don’t do all of these tasks every session or with every client. These are simply some general categories.

I will put them in a bullet point list, with brief explanations. In the future, I will expound on each of these areas. Remember, this is the briefest of descriptions for each category, but it might be a good overview.  Here is the list:

• Encourager
• Accountability Person
• Giver of Objective Feedback
• Resource Provider
• Tool Provider/Teacher
• Safe Space
• Diagnostician
• Teacher

Today I start with the first three categories, and I will continue down the list in coming days. Hope you find this helpful.

Encourager– Typically, people who come to counseling need a sense of hope that things can and will get better for them. Our job as counselor is to give honest encouragement, not false hope. But we do start with the premise that there is a solution for every problem, and that the client has the capacity to be successful in the counseling process.

Accountability Person– I almost always give homework to clients, knowing that the real work will be done outside of our one-hour session. I will ask the client about their progress in having done the homework. I will ask what barriers they had if it were not completed, and encourage them to give me feedback about the success of the homework to see if we need to make some changes. Often too, clients set forth their own disciplines that they want me to hold them accountable for by asking them each session what their progress is.

Giver of Objective Feedback– Clients come to counselors wanting some help with life areas which may currently be a struggle. It is my job to speak truth (what I see as the truth) of the situation in a loving and kind manner, even if that truth may be hard to hear. It follows the Biblical principle of “speaking the truth in love”. Friends may or may not give such feedback, but counselors are free to simply give an honest assessment without risk of losing relationship.  

Prayer: Lord, we thank you for the opportunity and privilege to engage with others on their life journey, Amen

 It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon,  for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.   Luke 23:44-46

Today is Good Friday. This day did, and does, hold great meaning and significance to Christians around the world.

I grew up on the West Side of Cincinnati, a strong German-Catholic community. Good Friday, in the 50’s and early sixties as I recall, was a day revered and remembered with great solemnity. Many people made a pilgrimage up a long, steep series of steps to Immaculata Church in Mt. Adams. We called it “Making the Steps”.

Stores and bars shut down from noon until 3 PM, with my dad’s bakery in Clifton Heights being one of those businesses that made such observance. Churches were filled with worshipers solemnly reciting prayers, the Station of the Cross were once again reenacted, and statues were draped in purple cloth, awaiting the glorious Easter sunrise service (or midnight Mass) when they would be ceremoniously uncovered- symbolic of the resurrection of Jesus.

These rituals made a great impression on my young mind. Such a day Good Friday was! These practices were a binding cultural event, and very impactful and meaningful. They impressed upon generations of worshipers the power and significance of the sacrifice that Jesus made that day- to save us from our sins.

While the religious practices of those days no longer seem to have the cultural impact that they once did, the message has never changed. There cannot be love without sacrifice. That principle holds true in every relationship, and in every action we do as human beings. There is a high cost of love. Today, as we remember what Jesus did for humankind, think of the reason that He paid that price. He loved us to death.

Prayer: Thank you Father for sending your son to redeem us when we were lost. Thank you for the gift of love which you showed and continue to show, Amen.

Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.  

John 13:14

Today is Holy Thursday. It has also been called Maundy Thursday, taken from the Latin word Mandatum, and shortened to “Maundy”. Mandatum is the Latin word from which we get the word “mandate” in English- that which is commanded.

It was of course at the Last Supper – the celebration of the Hebrew Seder meal- that Jesus commanded his disciples to carry on and remember to share bread together in remembrance of his body being broken as a sacrifice for people. The Passover meal is rich in symbolism of a people being redeemed by a special and miraculous work of God.

He also washed the feet of the disciples, something that Peter rebelled against, until he realized that taking on the role of servant to one another, even in the most menial of ways, is the way that Jesus followers should act.

Your church may have special services on this day to commemorate this Maundy Thursday. But whether or not you have such a service, this is a good day to remember that Jesus became the suffering servant as a model for us to follow.

Prayer: Lord, help us to remember that following Jesus is an act of serving others, Amen

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me                                                                                                        Psalm 23:4

I recently spoke with a client about the need for stepping forth in faith in order to overcome fears. I used the example from the Indiana Jones movie– In Search of the Holy Grail. You may remember the scene. Indiana Jones comes to a deep gorge which he must cross in order to get to the Holy Grail. He is almost to the end of his arduous search, but he must cross the gorge, and there is no obvious way across. He knows, however, that the instructions say that he must take a step before the bridge appears. What a leap of faith was required!

As we know, when he took that fateful step, the bridge did appear, and he was able to cross to find the grail. How often do we find in life that we need to take that frightening first step in order to see the way out of our situation. It is extremely hard, and we are often turned away by fear. But, the reward can be great for taking that step.

Prayer: Lord, help us when we need to take that first hard step, Amen

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love                           I John 4:18

This is Holy Week. It started with Palm Sunday, and it will end, of course, with Easter Sunday. This annual church liturgical calendar is important and reassuring. Liturgy gives us a sense of predictability in a world that is anything but predictable. Year after year, we are reminded of the great story of redemption and love that the cross, and ultimately the Resurrection, provides.

This also is a reminder of how quickly people can go from praising Jesus as Messiah to calling for his death just a few days later. Of course, the Roman and Jewish leaders were instrumental in finding a way to dispose of Jesus who posed a threat to the established religious hierarchy. Jesus did as he said- he came to fulfil the law, not to abolish it. Those who put him to death were driven by fear, because Jesus represented something that they did not yet comprehend. Their response to something they feared? Simply kill it.

Fear is a dangerous emotion. It can cause people to react violently when they are threatened- or even think they are threatened. The misunderstanding of the message of Jesus caused the authorities to be fearful of loss of power. His message of love was completely overwhelmed by the power of fear.

I trust that we pay attention in our own turbulent times to that message. Perfect loves casts out fear.

We have cause to celebrate because the grace of God has appeared, offering the gift of salvation to all people. Grace arrives with its own instruction: run away from anything that leads us away from God; abandon the lusts and passions of this world; live life now in this age with awareness and self-control, doing the right thing and keeping yourselves holy.             Titus 2:11-12

I have worked with a lot of people over the years who have addictions of various types. We can be addicted to anything. Anything.  The reason for that is the natural tendency to avoid pain or unpleasant situations or feelings. So, we look for remedies. The problem is that the remedy itself often becomes an addiction.

 Addictions are shortcuts to feel better. They offer immediate gratification, and numb the pain. People use substances, at first to feel good- later they must use them just not to feel bad.

Some of our addictions are somewhat innocuous and socially acceptable- for example,             my addiction to caffeine. That is one we even joke about, and it is a very common addiction. Then there are food addictions which are often socially acceptable, but are not good for our bodies, such as addiction to sugar- more or less a societal addiction.

Obviously, many addictions are not so harmless, and they are complex and dangerous. Anything that makes us feel good right away- something that immediately takes our brain’s pleasure center captive, is addictive. There are complex physical and emotional reasons for this, but suffice it to say, once the brain gets used to such chemical changes and the addiction takes over, recovery is monumentally difficult.

So, what are some of your addictions? We all have them!

Prayer: You have given us the remedy for a broken world, help us to deal with our own remedies which can be destructive, Amen. 

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.  For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load. Galatian 6:2-5

As has been often quoted, “The goal of counseling is not happiness”. A true statement. I tell my clients, the goal of counseling is not happiness, but rather, responsibility. If one takes responsibility for their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, then they can attain a level of happiness.

Taking responsibility for our own actions and feelings is sometimes difficult. We can tend to project onto others the reasons that we are angry or hurt, or sad. Other people are not the cause of my emotional responses.

Yes, people can and do hurtful or insensitive things to us. We all can be selfish and thoughtless. Our actions may cause hurts and harm to others. However, the response we have to such actions are the things under our control. We have the choice to hurt those that hurt us, or to blame others for our responses. Or, we can own our own responses and deal with our own emotions in a healthier way.

Prayer: Lord, give us the strength to take responsibility for our own emotional responses, Amen

Come to me and I will give you rest—all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke. Wear my yoke—for it fits perfectly—and let me teach you; for I am gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your souls; for I give you only light burdens.                                                 Matthew 11:28-30 (Living Bible)

Five years ago. It was a shared trauma that we experienced together, and it changed us. COVID-19 slammed into the United States in early 2020, and we have not been the same since. I think it will take even more perspective of time passage before we really understand how profoundly our world has changed since the onset of COVID-19.

We saw caskets being unloaded in cities around the world. New York City morgues were overflowing. We saw pictures of Italian hospitals and morgues where they could not find space for more bodies. We saw burials on an island off New York City that was pressed into service for the bodies of poor and homeless victims who had succumbed to the disease.

There were plans to bring the HOPE ship into the New York harbor to alleviate overcrowded and overwhelmed hospitals. We saw doctors and nurses who had lines etched onto their faces from having worn surgical masks for untold hours non-stop. My daughter was one of them.

I have not even begun to mention the fear of the unknown that we dealt with early in the pandemic. We went to grocery stores (or had groceries delivered in many cases), and we wiped down boxes and containers with Clorox or alcohol wipes. We just did what we could, and worried that it might not be enough.

We saw heroic actions of emergency and medical workers trying to save lives at the risk of their own. We prayed daily for protection from an unknown killer. We just didn’t know what was coming next. We prayed for the delivery of a vaccine that offered some protection.

That, my friends, was a traumatic time that we experienced together. I wish that it had the effect of bringing us closer together as some traumas might. Alas, it seemed to divide us and break us apart in many ways. As we know, trauma is a crisis that has the potential to unite or divide.

Maybe we can still salvage some unity as we look back on the last five years. I hope so.

Prayer: Lord, we are reminded that our only real hope is in you, Amen

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid                                                                           John 14:27

Just a short word today about peace. In a world where peace is ever more elusive, we need to be intentional about finding it for ourselves. We cannot be at peace with others if we do not have an inner peace- a peace that the Disciple John wrote was “not as the world gives.”

I remembered the other day the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.                                                                                                      Matthew 25:40

I was recently speaking with a client who is feeling the effects of the current political upheaval. She feels helpless in light of sweeping changes in her field of employment. She has lost a sense of agency- that is, the ability to impact the world around her.

We all need to have a sense of the ability to impact our world in a positive way. The “macro” world is too big for most of us to alter in a meaningful way. We do not have vast political or financial power to effect large changes in our country. So, how do we react when we feel that we have lost our impact? What do we do when we feel small and powerless?

I suggested to her that she, in the words of the old proverb, “don’t try to change the world, but change the world for some of those people around her.”  In other words, she can still have real impact. She can volunteer at a preschool or nursing home; she can mentor kids; she can work at a food pantry; the list goes on and on.

The important thing is to not give in to a sense of powerlessness. We are called to have impact- to raise our voice against injustice, and to help others in need. Yes, we often can do very little in the “macro” world of political structure, but we can have very positive impact right where we live.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to determine how we can impact the world right around us, Amen