Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.

 Psalm 31:9

I have had occasions, in recent years, to discuss the idea of “anticipatory grief” with a number of my clients. This is a common, but often unexpressed phenomenon whereby we are witnessing the decline of a loved one and having uneasy and sometimes inexplicable feelings associated with such decline. It is a form of grieving, but it is often not labeled as such.  

Clients may feel anger toward their loved one, and sadness, but may feel guilty for such thoughts. I explain to them that they are grieving a loss. They are experiencing all those feelings of loss before their loved one passes away. They are, sometimes unwittingly, preparing themselves for a devastating loss. They begin to understand that this is a protective feature, preparing them for the eventual, inevitable actual loss of the one they love.

Once we can explain and reframe this idea, they can see that such grieving is really a measure of how much they love their friend/relative/partner. The anger that they may feel of losing such a dear person is actually a form of grief. Grief almost always includes anger of some type, sometimes an inexplicable feeling, but anger nonetheless.   

Being able to label such feelings can be very helpful in accepting them. We feel loss, even before our loved one actually passes from this earth.

Anticipatory grief.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us to love deeply, and that involves all of our range of emotions. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, Amen

contentment [noun] 

happiness and satisfaction, often because you have everything you need:

Cambridge Dictionary

 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.                                                                                     Philippians 4:10-13

We are always looking for contentment. The Cambridge Dictionary includes in this definition  “having everything you need”. So often, we define contentment as “having everything we want. Funny how needs and wants change over the years, based upon the wealth and expectations that our culture sets forth.

In the industrialized world, our expectations have, ironically, crowded out our sense of contentment. What is it that we really need to be content? Certainly, the basic needs of shelter, safety, food and clothing are essential. Yet there are some people who are content who do not even have all of those basic needs.

Contentment is perhaps more of a mindset than a storehouse of wealth and financial security. Wealth can vanish pretty quickly in some cases- witness the 1929 Depression, or even the more recent 2008 financial crisis. Having a true foundation, security, does not lie in wealth, of course, but in the pursuit of meaning, gratitude for what we do have, and a trust that Jesus is the one who gives us security.

Prayer: Lord, in you we have contentment, Amen

You know, there is always that verse that strikes you about the nature and character of God. When Jesus spoke these words, he was explaining to his followers about how, at the end of our lives, God will look at us and will review our actions on earth. In the simplest way possible, God will look at how we treated others, especially those who were poor, hungry, destitute, hopeless.

We see that he is not interested in monuments, movements, or organizations. He wants to know how we loved him by loving others. If we care for others, we care for Him. This may have been a revelation to those early followers of Jesus. In fact, it may be a revelation to some followers of Jesus today.

Think of people who are starving in war-torn parts of the world. Think of those in prison, or those living under repressive government regimes. Think of your neighbor who may need your help. This visual reminder in my office reminds me that we are in the hands of a loving Father. People may only feel that hand through our response to those in pain.

As we start the Thanksgiving season, and then Christmas, we see that star in the distance of the picture. The hope of the world was announced by that star. We too can be the hope of a needy and suffering world.

Whatever you did for one of the least of these… you did for me.

 “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.  In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish

Matthew 18:12-14

I bought this print the other day because- I had to. This picture just jumped out at me. It is a depiction of Jesus coming after that lost little sheep (I mean how cute is he?!) He is you and me. Jesus is literally running after this lost little guy who is vulnerable and helpless. So, enjoy the thought today. Jesus is running after his helpless creation because he loves us.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for pursuing this lost sheep, Amen

November 3^rd Edition

We are now leaving the “spooky/scary” part of the calendar and we are entering the Thanksgiving/Christmas period. Funny how that works isn’t it? Our cultural rhythms have tended to go that way these past several decades. The “scary/spooky” part carried much less weight many years ago. However, these days, we seem to be enamored with Halloween shenanigans. Maybe the Halloween and Freddie Kruger type movie series played a part, or maybe Stephen King novels captured our imagination- who knows?  What we do know is that we are now full-on into the Thanksgiving and Christmas season. So, let the fun begin!

But before that, let me speculate on why we are so enamored with the horror genres. I mean, why do people want to expose themselves to horror, fear and nightmares? I think that it is a matter of control. Remember my theorem that control is the antidote to anxiety? Horror movies, ironically, might fit right into that.

In a movie theater, we can simulate terror cinematically, and often realistically and even effectively. But in the end, it is just a movie. In fact, years ago, an effective movie trailer subtext was “it’s only just a movie…” So, we get to experience thrills and horror and fear from the comfort of a theater seat. We have control over the environment, except to the extent we choose to get lost in the movie. But again, in the end, we know that we will walk out of that theater intact, and not the meal of some monster, or the victim of brain seeking zombies. We have control of the ending.

So, my friends, for those of you who enjoy such movies, by all means, enjoy the vicarious anxiety and dread, because in the end, you can go home and be in control of your own situation!

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving/Christmas!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.  We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith…                                                        Hebrews 12:1-2  

November 2^nd is traditionally celebrated as All Souls Day in the Catholic Church- the commemoration of all the faithful departed who have gone before us. It is a time to remember loved ones- faithful people who may have been instrumental in our own spiritual development. I have a long list of those people, and I am guessing that you do too. There are many whom I do not even know, but they were part of my story before I knew them.

We have a history of people who have gone before us who paved the way, physically and spiritually. We have a debt of gratitude to many. Let us rededicate this day to continue to build that legacy for those who are following us.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us a wonderful legacy of saints who formed us, and continue through us, Amen  

 Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: “People of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious.  For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: to an unknown god. So, you are ignorant of the very thing you worship—and this is what I am going to proclaim to you.            Acts 17: 22-23

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…                                                                                          James 1:19

I was recently speaking with my wife about Paul’s Mars Hill experience in the book of Acts. He met with Greek pagans who had been seeking their own “Higher Power”, and they had even made an altar to an “unknown God”. Paul commended them on seeking to know God- a God whom he would gladly explain to them.

Paul was curious enough to seek out the belief system of those with whom he would converse. Indeed, he did not condemn them, he sought to engage them. He used their own cultural language to engage them.

Too many Christians in these times are quick to condemn but slow to listen.

I like Paul’s approach.

Prayer: Lord, give us the discipline to be quick to listen and slow to condemn, Amen

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.  Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.                            James 3: 3-4

When I see my clients who struggle with anxiety, I always look for small, practical, simple actions for the “anxiety tool kit” that I give them. As I have said before in this space, in times of anxiety, it is important that people feel a sense of control of their environment. Control is the antidote to anxiety. Of course we cannot control everything around us. Indeed, actually, trying to do that is counterproductive.

But within limits, there are thing we can control. We cannot “outthink” anxiety, but we can “outbehave” it.   What I mean is, by controlling our own actions, we can feel more in control of our environment. The three first steps I often give to people is to: Breathe; Hydrate; Move

We can take control of an involuntary action (breathing), and feel more in control of our body. There are certain steps in this, and I will cover that in another blog. Next, we can hydrate- drink some water. Very often, we feel tired, restless and anxious simply because we have not taken in enough water. Actually, (and I am pretty bad about this myself) we need to drink even when we are not thirsty. Our body needs hydration even before we feel thirst.

Finally, we need movement. Any kind of movement can suffice. Walking, working on a hobby, stretching- any kind of intentional movement- can put anxious thoughts aside, even for a brief time. That gives us the space to have a respite, to perhaps talk with a friend, do some journalling, etc. Those actions can even better deflect anxious thoughts.

So, my friends, a brief trip to the “tool shed” – the anxiety tool kit!

Prayer: Lord, you have given use what we need in times of need. We are grateful for that, Amen  

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful                                                              Psalm 139:14

I recently talked with a client about his ADHD, and how it might impact his daily life. Many adults with ADD or ADHD may suffer from depression and low self-esteem. This client had struggled in school and assumed that he did not have very high intelligence. Such thinking is not uncommon for people with these disorders. As we talked, I explained to the client that often, such situations can be likened to a car with a high-powered motor, but having problems with the transmission. This car has plenty of horsepower, but it needs to be directed with a good transmission. We work on fixing that transmission issue.

People who suffer from forms of ADD often have higher than average intelligence, but because of brain organization problems and distractibility, they may have trouble translating that intelligence in the ways they would like.  They may have trouble with memory, and can struggle with following schedules and being on time.

The sad part about many challenges we have is that we can let them define us. We are much more than the limitations that we all face in life. Encouragement from others can go a long way in helping people to see themselves in a different and positive light.

Prayer: Lord help us to see the positives of how we have been created, Amen    

Late in the afternoon his disciples came to him and said, “Tell the people to go away to the nearby villages and farms and buy themselves some food, for there is nothing to eat here in this desolate spot, and it is getting late.”

 But Jesus said, “You feed them.”                                                                            Mark 6:35-37

I always liked this passage about Jesus feeding the 5000. There are a lot of elements to it, and of course the one we resonate to is the miracle of stretching five loaves of bread and two fish to feed that crowd until they were full. Yes, that was pretty major!

However, there are other themes here too. The one I am thinking about today is that Jesus told the disciples to feed the people. This is just after the disciples had, understandably, tried to get a manageable plan so that these hungry people could eat. They proposed that the people be sent away to purchase their own food.

 But Jesus had a lesson in mind for them. He wanted the disciples to begin to understand their responsibility toward those who would follow the message of Jesus. They were to serve those people, not send them off to forage for themselves. Jesus also did this to have an opportunity to let them know of the power that they had, even miraculous power, if they simply trusted the Master, and also used what was on hand to perform that miracle.

Jesus calls us to serve with what we have in our hand- our talents, strengths and abilities, employed for his service. As the old saying goes, “He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called”.

So, we are to employ whatever gifts or resources that we have to serve the Kingdom, and God will provide what we need as we move ahead in faith

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the plan that we are called to serve, and that you will provide, Amen