My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry… James 1:19
I was recently speaking to a couple who have a history of arguing. Both are bright, articulate, driven people, and both are achievers. And they both like to be right. Not unusual, right? We all like to be right, and we want to convince other people of our point of view. Again, nothing wrong with that, however, that strength of being confident and self-assured needs to be managed lest it become a weakness. As you have seen in this space before, our strengths to an extreme become a weakness. Our strengths must be understood, then managed well.
I explained to this couple that when we are in “convincing mode”, we are not in “listening mode”. We all do this, and it takes self-awareness and discipline to recognize what is happening, and find ways to listen more and convince less.
This does not mean that we are any less assured of our “rightness”, but when we cut off listening to others, we may be restricting our own learning. Further, in a marriage, the goal is not to win the argument, but to understand one another, even if we do not have full agreement.
So, also in this day also of massive political and cultural divide. We need to keep in mind that the goal of a discussion is not to win another over to our viewpoint, or to vanquish other ideas, but rather to look for the common societal good in any discussions, and to believe that the other person is not the enemy, but one who differs in their strong beliefs.
Prayer: Lord, give us the patience we need to hear one another, Amen
