But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.               Galatians 5:22-23

I was speaking the other day with a client and we discussed anger control. The truth is, anger control starts long before the precipitating event of the anger, but that is another story. I will get into that in another blog entry.

As we discussed his anger triggers with his wife, we discussed the fact that he needs a brief “pause button”- he suggested 60 seconds, and I think that was good. He knows himself, and if he says 60 seconds, we can go with that. In those 60 seconds, I asked him to do the controlled breathing that I have discussed in this blog before. That controlled breathing consists of four seconds of air intake through the nose; a pause of holding that breath for about five or six seconds; and exhaling slowly through the mouth for about eight seconds.  

In doing this, one takes voluntary control of an involuntary body function (breathing). In other words, he regains control of his body. In so doing, he feels to be in more control of himself. In addition, during that five or so seconds of holding his breath, he is to say a brief prayer for spiritual connection.

Therefore, in those 60 seconds he talked about, he can do this breathing exercise several times. In that span, he has changed his physical state (more oxygen and less carbon dioxide), his emotional state (more peace), and his spiritual state (a quick God connection). He is back in control of his entire self.

So, taking control of breathing can give rise to a sense of more total control of self.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us in marvelous ways. Help us to take care of all parts of ourself, Amen

I work with a lot of people who are in recovery from some type of addiction. Many of them use the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in their recovery work. Why the 12 Steps? Because as many are fond of saying about the steps, “they work if you work them”. Wisdom there!

I remember at one point, one of the attenders of our Next Step recovery service remarking that he had a problem with a co-worker, and he was going to do a 4^th step to try to work on mending the rift at his workplace. The workplace issue had nothing to do with his use/abuse of alcohol- he had a solid 5 years of recovery and clean time by then.  He decided that using the 12 Steps in everyday situations was also a good way to live. He was right.

That 4^th Step he was talking about involved doing a personal inventory of his own- essentially asking, “what part might I have played in this problem?” This man had incorporated the 12 Steps into his life so thoroughly that he used them to deal with many life problems that arose. Of course, this was also a way to ensure that he did not relapse into alcohol as a “quick fix” or avoidance of problems like he had earlier in life.

I have never forgotten the value and wisdom that he showed in his self-management of problems. The wisdom of the 12 Steps is straight forward and effective. As they said in the Next Step community, “recovery is not just for alcoholics anymore…”

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the simple wisdom that comes from the humility and authenticity of recovery principles, Amen 

The fool says in his heart,
    “There is no God.”

Psalm 14:1

I just finished a book about John Glenn and Ted Williams, titled Wingmen. The title is derived from their relationship as U.S. Marine pilots in the Korean Conflict. Both were veterans of World War II also, but Williams did not see combat in World War II. He was a pilot trainer in that war. Both wars cost Williams almost four years off a Hall of Fame Baseball career.

It is a touching and revealing story of two American heroes whose lives were quite different. Glenn was a devout Christian, and Williams was more or less an agnostic. Both were extremely talented and disciplined, and both were American heroes in their own right.

I was struck by John Glenn’s response to his space flight, which included being the first American to orbit the earth. When he did it, America was in the midst of the Cold War with the USSR, and his feat of orbiting the earth gave Americans something to cheer about when the Soviets were winning the space race.

Glenn remarked that upon seeing the earth from space (he also went into space on the Shuttle at age 75), that he could not imagine how one could deny the existence of a Master Creator. One does not need to see earth from space to recognize that, but I can hardly imagine the awe of such a sight!

I am reminded daily of the majesty and wonder of creation. Indeed, how can one not see the hand of an infinite Creator?

Prayer: Lord, your creation is beyond awe and wonder! Amen  

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.     Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

I often start my counseling sessions with this question: “What was the best thing that happened for you in the past week?” If it had been longer than that since I saw the client, it would be “in the last two weeks”, or the “last month”, etc.

The point here is that I want to start off with some positives in their life. They are already coming to counseling because some things in their life are not going the way that they would like or like they would have imagined. Therefore, I want to start out with a positive or two.

By asking that question, I can also affirm what work they have accomplished, maybe with the homework I gave. I always give homework. You know, the work that will be of lasting help does not come in my office, it comes from using tools we discussed and behaving in different ways with their personal disciplines, or in their relationships with others.  

We can then discuss current concerns or problems that they want to bring forward in counseling. Which brings me to a frequent second question: “What is the best thing we should talk about today?”

I want the client to own the content of the session, so they bring forth the topics. I will, however, ask them how the homework went. Accountability is important for both client and counselor. They are accountable for doing the work we discussed, and I am accountable for having reviewed their file and refreshing my understanding of their goals and progress.

Just a little picture today of my process of counseling. Hope this is encouraging for you as well!

Prayer: Lord, help us to keep positive thoughts in our day, Amen

for it was through reading the Scripture that I came to realize that I could never find God’s favor by trying—and failing—to obey the laws. I came to realize that acceptance with God comes by believing in Christ.                                                                                            Galatians 2:9 (Living Bible)

I was speaking with a client recently about her projections. Projection is a funny thing. It is the psychological defense whereby one projects onto other people undesirable traits of their own on to other people in order to protect themselves psychologically.

But it also works in another way. Sometimes, people who are anxious and perfectionistic, project onto others the assumption that others must see them the same way they see themselves- flawed and imperfect. Indeed, this can become so pervasive and intense, that the person who is projecting is convinced that others must see them in this flawed way because they cannot see themselves any other way.

When I explained this to my client, she saw the truth of that for her. Her own driven nature to be perfect ends up in her perceived failure to measure up. She then feels that others must surely see this too. The intensity of her feeling, fueled by anxiety, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy- others often see her as anxious.

Being able to process this, and assured that this is not uncommon, the client felt some relief. As I say to my clients, “You have to get it out of here (your head) and out to here (expressing to safe others).”

So often, people have internal thoughts that they believe are “crazy”, or that “no one else ever thinks the way that I do”. Mostly, we all have some quirky beliefs and ideas that are common to most people. Expressing such things with “safe others” is a fine remedy.   

Prayer: Lord, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. What a plan you have for us, Amen

We felt we were doomed to die and saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good, for then we put everything into the hands of God, who alone could save us, for he can even raise the dead. II Corinthains 1:9

Often when I speak with clients, and they appear to be angry, or if I ask them how they are feeling, they may say, “I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated!” It is interesting that we would rather not identify a feeling we are having as anger- we label it as something else. I suppose it is more acceptable to be feeling frustrated than feeling angry.

I often explain to my clients that frustration is actually a combination of anger plus the perceived loss of power. So, frustration is a little more complex than just anger. It actually is somehow worse, because we also then feel unable to go about acting on the difficult situation we may be in.

Sometimes it helps if we can more clearly identify the complex feelings we are having. We can own the idea that we are angry, and we can also clarify that we also are feeling helpless at the time. Usually, we are not totally helpless. There are things that we can do so that we feel more agency in directing ourselves or regulating our emotions. Indeed, sometimes it is merely acceptance of the fact that we cannot do anything to change our current situation. However, we can decide to accept our situation, and that in itself gives us some sense of having the ability to make the decision to accept.  

This reminded me of Viktor Frankl, who famously said of his Nazi captors- “They may control everything about my situation, but they cannot control my attitude about it.”

Prayer: Lord, help us when we feel powerless, knowing that you are always in control, Amen

 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than yours, and my thoughts than yours                                                                                                     Isaiah 55:9

I was speaking with a client recently about her views of God. She stated, after some discussion, that she has had a somewhat transactional view of God, ever since her childhood. That is, if she were good enough, God would reward her. If she missed the mark, God would be disappointed, and she would lose his favor.

This is common, and understandable. We are transactional people. You know, “one hand washes another”, “one good turn deserves another”, etc. These common proverbs sum up the ideas of fairness and equalizing debt to one another that we commonly hold.

But God’s economy is different, I believe. He loves us right where we are. We do not need to “clean up” for him to love and accept us. We do not do good things to have him love us more- he could not love us more. His love is encompassing and inescapable. He loves malefactors and sinners. He loves us.

Yes, this seems so counterintuitive doesn’t it. Yet, God’s economy is different than our concepts. He loves us right where we are.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your love which is above our understanding, Amen

The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

II Timothy 4:18 (NIV)

The Golden Gate Bridge began construction in 1933, with an estimated cost of $35 million dollars. In those days, the estimate was that there would be one construction death per one million dollars spent. Therefore, planners assumed that about 35 men would accidentally die during construction of the bridge.

The builder and designer, Joseph Strauss, decided that this project would not cost the lives of 35 men. He decided to install a safety net underneath the bridge to catch any unfortunate construction worker who may fall. Not only was this a great humanitarian concept, it led to greater efficiency. Workers could now concentrate more on the job of welding, riveting, and all the other tasks of building a bridge. The project came in under budget and ahead of schedule. Eleven men did die during construction- ten in one unfortunate situation where an entire platform fell and the net could not hold that weight. Nineteen other men fell into the net and were saved. Overall, the net indeed saved many lives.

I used this analogy with a client the other day about God’s provision for us. He wants us to feel secure in his love because he has paid the price for our salvation. We don’t need to hang onto our relationship with him- He is holding us!

Prayer: Thank you for the plan to hold us, rather than our meager efforts to hang on to you, Amen.

Have two goals: wisdom—that is, knowing and doing right—and common sense. Don’t let them slip away,                                                                                                                                        Proverbs 3:21 (Living Bible)

I was recently reading about Abraham Wald, a Jewish scientist from Hungary who had been  expelled from Nazi Europe in World War II. As we have seen often, when political thinking gets involved in science, foolish decisions are often made. Indeed, Wald played a part in helping to defeat Nazi Germany with his mathematical prowess and brilliant logic. The irony, played out more than once in World War II, is that brilliant scientists expelled from Nazi Germany because of their Jewish heritage, helped to defeat that same evil power.

Wald was tasked to solve the problem of finding the most vulnerable parts of Allied bombers so that more armor could be added to protect planes and crews. The placement of armor had to be strategic, since armor was heavy, and planes needed to be as light as possible.

Wald was given access to information about where returning bombers had sustained the most enemy damage during their bombing runs. He saw where most of the damage occurred, and he surprisingly suggested that armor be placed mostly in the areas where the most damage had not been sustained.  

He explained that they were studying planes whose damage, while at times extensive, had allowed them to return safely. The planes which were hit in the areas other than these spots had not been able to return home. The concept he formulated was “survivorship bias”, meaning that all factors needed to be included in the analysis, not just the damage to the surviving aircraft. The planes that had not survived also needed to be in the equation.

I found the solution to be fascinating, and at the same time, almost obvious- an idea that we might easily overlook. We often have unknown biases when we study problems. Wald had the insight and logic to utilize this concept to save many bomber crews.

What appears to be clear to us, can also be missed because of hidden bias. Information that we do not consider might be the most important things in the equation.

Prayer: Thank you for the gifts that you give to us, especially the ones we do not see, Amen

This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon:‘Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce.  Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease.  Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper                                                 Jeremiah 29:4-7

I always really liked the passage cited above. It was a message sent by the prophet Jeremiah, who was in Jerusalem, to his fellow Israelites who were in exile in Babylon.  They had been carried away from their beloved homeland into exile in Babylon. Think about, from their mindset, being transported from “the holy city” to the center of the pagan world. They were exiled from their homeland into the “profanity” of Babylon. They were depressed, and even hopeless.

Jeremiah gave them a strong message, one of hope and encouragement. He told them to work for the betterment of the hated Babylon. He said that they should settle down, plant gardens, marry off their daughters, and generally make Babylon a place of prosperity and hope. In so doing, they too would prosper.

This was a profound and amazing message to those pious Israelites. They were to mingle with those heathens in Babylon, and actually work to make it a better place! What a shock this must have been for those pious followers of the true God to mingle with and associate with, even work alongside, those worldly heathens!

I believe that message is still applicable today in modern society. No, not a mindset of isolation from a broken world (after all, we are all broken), but an opportunity to display God’s love for his creation right where we are.

I have always felt that the job of the church is to make our community a better place- for everyone. The local church has a unique ability and calling to mobilize the resources in its congregation – both people power and financial power – to make its home community a place of healing and hope. As the community prospers, so does the church. In this way, a possibly skeptical community can see the love of God portrayed right in their own back yard.

We preach the gospel by living it.

Prayer: Lord, help us to become an instrument of your peace and healing, Amen