The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry,
And a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.                                  Proverbs 25:11-12 (The Message)

In this time when we find the national discourse to be so negative and discouraging, I look to Proverbs to find some wisdom.

When I see clients, I look for ways to encourage them. I affirm progress that they have made, I make observations about their strengths, and I try to give them hope for solutions about their problems.

I must add that I do not simply “make things up” to make people feel good. That would be wrong and counterproductive- demeaning, actually. I look for genuine ways that I can find positive things in their life, their work toward counseling goals, their care for others that I observe, etc. and then I give them that feedback.

It is not hard to find positive attributes in people with whom we have a relationship. The challenge is to tell people what you see in them. So often, I see clients brighten just a little when encouraged with such positive feedback. Research has shown that people tend to live up to (or down to) the words spoken into them, especially from those who are trusted.

Yes, Proverbs also talks about the flip side of this too- reprimands for poor actions or faulty thinking. That truth must also be spoken. That must also be done with kindness and respect, and it can only be heard if one has gained the right to do so in the relationship.

However, today’s thought is this. Simply look for the things you can affirm- then do it.  

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the power of emotional life and death in our words. Help us to use them wisely, Amen

 He looked them in the eye, one after another, angry now, furious at their hard-nosed religion. He said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” He held it out—it was as good as new!                                                                   Mark 3:5-6 (The Message)

We see in this passage from the gospel of Mark that Jesus got angry. I mean really angry! Why did Jesus get so angry? He was speaking up for someone who was being oppressed by religion. I cannot imagine anything that might get Jesus angrier than people who say that they are acting in his name, and then oppressing a person who needs help.  

So many people have been hurt by organized religion. Some religious leaders, acting in what they believe is truth, end up hurting the very people to whom they could or should be ministering. 

I see clients who have felt judged by the people that they trusted to help them. In the above scenario, the religious leaders of the day were offended that a man sought healing on the Sabbath. They were shocked that Jesus would break the Sabbath law to heal the crippled man. Jesus knew that the Sabbath had been made for man, not man for the Sabbath. The Spirit of the law overruled the letter of the law. Compassion overruled the sterile words which bound those leaders. The religious leaders could not see the deeper truth.

Yes, it takes discernment to determine what is the right thing to do. Helping people who are hurting, regardless of the surrounding will likely be the right thing to do. The fact that people were ready to deny healing to a hurting man on a technicality really riled Jesus.

So, getting angry on behalf of those who are hurting and being treated unjustly might be a good reason to get angry.

Prayer: Father, help us to see the deeper truth of your compassion to those who are hurting, Amen.

We break down every thought and proud thing that puts itself up against the wisdom of God. We take hold of every thought and make it obey Christ.                                                                                           II Corinthians 10:5

We are surrounded every day with situations which are challenging. Even our own thoughts often tend to work against us at times. We have messages, often triggered by events around us- comments from other people, the seemingly constant parade of negative news stories, etc.- which can really put our minds into a place of tension and despair.

The verse from II Corinthians reminds us that we need to take hold of our thoughts, and conform them to the worldview which we hold to be life changing and life-saving.

Sometimes we get caught up in an anxiety response, an emotional and physiological reaction that is immediate. That physical/emotional response comes quickly, and the cognitive (executive part of our brain) weighs in later. That is really how we are wired in our fight/flight response system, and it often serves us very well. It can protect us from danger, but it can run away with us if we don’t use the executive part of our brain to regulate when the initial trigger is gone.

The writer Paul suggests that we become aware of our thoughts, own them, then take charge of them, and not let them take charge of us. Speak truth to the thoughts that tell us something else. Our anxieties and insecurities can give us wrong messages which must be tested in the light of truth. To do that, we must take charge of the input in our minds.

The truth does set us free, we just need to slow down the emotions of the moment and put our cognitive, our “executive brain”, in charge.  This takes discipline and patience, things which are in shorter supply when we have few margins in our life.

So when we feel stressed, angry, fearful- whatever negative emotion comes up, we need to take the thoughts captive. We need to ask, “Is this truthful?” “Is this loving?’ Is this helpful?” That way we can slow things down and respond in ways that are honoring to ourselves and others.

Prayer: Lord give us the patience and discipline to take our thoughts captive and conform them to your truth, Amen.

Share each other’s troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord’s command.               Galatians 6:2 (Living Bible)                                                                     

Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.                                               Galatians 6:2 (KJV)

Sometimes, we undervalue the gift of listening. We as counselors have the opportunity regularly to listen to our clients, and thereby, with that simple act alone, we can help bear the burden of the client. Listening alone is often not sufficient for counselors, since we have the obligation to offer other resources, help to plan for solutions, and refer to other helpful resources such as medication support, or other community supports.

However, listening alone is a sacrificial gift which we all can offer to others. We humans are built to be social beings. We are made to interact with others because it is beneficial for us physically, spiritually and emotionally.

I have often marveled at the relief that is experienced when one can simply talk with another person who can hear their heart. The problem does not change, but the acceptance and support of that other person(s) makes the burden just a bit lighter. It feels freeing to simply expose the issue to another person who cares and wants to help.

When Paul said in his letter to the Galatians that they were to “bear one another’s burdens”, I think this is what he had in mind.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us all the high calling of bearing one another’s burdens. In doing so, we are obedient to your purposes, Amen

“Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.                                                                                                                                              Matthew 5:25-26

“The best way to get rid of your enemies is to make them your friends.”

Abraham Lincoln

The precepts of the Sermon on the Mount are profound. In the passage above, Jesus gives an example that common people can relate to. Someone is taking you to court because you have wronged them. Jesus gives a very simple and practical piece of advice- settle up before you get into more trouble than you have bargained for. This means that one must recognize their problem, then do something, sooner than later, to rectify it.

The allegorical Judge here is God the Father, who has the power and authority demand a penalty for our wrongs. We can be reconciled long before such judgment takes place by recognizing the forgiveness that Jesus offers. I call that agreeing with God.

This is good practice all the time. I always liked Lincoln’s quote above –“The best way to get rid of your enemies is to make them your friends.” What a practical and logical thought. Endeavor to make friends and you run out of enemies. I think about the practical and freeing idea of reconciling with adversaries long before there are serious problems that may arise.

 More importantly, we need to reconcile with God. We need to agree with Him in order to lead a peaceful life.

I like that idea of agreeing with God. I mean, who would really want to intentionally disagree with God? But we actually do that a lot. So, I make a list of the things I agree with God about.

I agree that I am a sinner in need of his grace.

I agree that he has extended that grace freely.

I agree that he loves me, even when I am not loveable.

I agree that I am forgiven.

I agree that I am commanded to love others, even when they are unlovable.

That wasn’t so hard, was it? 

Prayer: Thank you Father for the simple truths that set us free, Amen.

 Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many lives. So now, do not fear. I will provide for you and your little ones.” So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.                                                                                                                                                                            Genesis 50:20-21 (MEV)

Coming home this morning from my walk, I found that my glasses had become quite foggy. No surprise there since I wore a mask to cover my freezing nose, and the result was a blinding fog on my glasses. When I got home, I removed my glasses, and ironically, of course, I could see much better. The remedy for my impaired eyesight (glasses), had become the problem. The problem was solved by removing what had originally been the solution to the problem.

Then, when I removed the glasses, I used the steam on the glasses to clean them. The problem itself (the steam) became the solution to the problem. I realized that there must be a story in there. I think the lesson is this- sometimes things that appear to be problems can be solutions, and what appear to be solutions can become problems. 

We are experiencing problems on many levels in our country right now. Maybe those problems can become the start of solutions. The travesty of the storming of our nation’s Capitol, which we commemorated this past week, can become the catalyst for healing a nation so deeply divided by political rhetoric. This painful episode of our history can be used for good or evil.

Let’s make sure we use it for good.

Prayer: Lord, you can redeem any pain and trouble into our good. Help us see that and work toward that end, Amen.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.   I Corinthians 13:12                                                                                              

I had a discussion with a client the other day about the roads we did not take in life. We all have decisions that we make every day, and some are more impactful than others. Truthfully, all are important. We talked about decisions he had made- roads traveled- that have brought him into this place in his life.

We both began to wonder, “what about those roads we did not take?” Indeed, there were paths that we chose somewhat unwittingly. Some, where clearly God had laid out for us directions of which we could not possibly have known the ultimate impact.

Sometimes we call it luck, and the truth is, chance does play a part sometimes. Often, we have been led on paths where we simply took the next step, and God went ahead and paved the road for us. Sometimes, one little step in the wrong direction may have derailed our whole life. Simple decisions- that is they seemed simple at the time- may have changed the course of our entire life.

It is good to reflect back on how God intervened in places where we could not have known the ultimate outcome. My belief is that if we look back closely, we can see an invisible hand that guides us even when we don’t know it is there.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for directing my path, even when I did not see your hand in it, Amen

How can I stand up before God
    and show proper respect to the high God?
Should I bring an armload of offerings
    topped off with yearling calves?
Would God be impressed with thousands of rams,
    with buckets and barrels of olive oil?
Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child,
    my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
    what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
    be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously—
    take God seriously

Micah 6:6-8 (The Message)

The prophet Micah delivered this message to the people of Israel after reminding them how God had delivered them time and again from their enemies. He had even made an analogy earlier in this passage about pleading a court case. Here was his simple plea – Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don’t take yourself too seriously — take God seriously.

He told people that God is not moved or impressed by multiple sacrifices of animals, and ample gifts of oil, etc. God’s simple desire is that we treat his creation with love and respect. He wants us to honor one another and care for each other. Oh, and by the way, we are not to take ourselves too seriously!

What a great simple message. Religion over the millennia has gone to great lengths to find formulas to please God. For the most part, I think intentions were good, but religion takes itself too seriously. If rules and formulas are too complicated, they can’t be followed.

I like the way Micah thinks.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for loving us, and asking only love for others in return, Amen

The world of the generous gets larger and larger;
    the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.

 The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed;
    those who help others are helped.

Proverbs 11:24-25 (The Message)

As we grow and mature from infancy to adulthood and finally into our senior years, our world should get larger, not smaller. When a baby is born, the world essentially centers around that baby, and rightly so. All attention is given to the care, nurture and safety of that precious child. As the child gets older, her world gets larger. More people come into her life- maybe a new sibling; daycare playmates; pre-school peers, etc. She needs to learn to share her space with others.

As we get older still, we must share more things with others, and we must learn to be socially aware. We begin to understand that there are many others in the world, and that the world is not here to cater to my needs.

As we get older still, we continue to learn about this marvelous world. We understand that there is always something new to learn, and that others are on that journey with us who may need our help.

Even as we get older still, we need to be ready to learn new things to expand our world. The book of Proverbs talks about one way to expand our world through generosity. The paradox it explains is that the more we help, the more we are helped.

Pretty amazing, right?

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your marvelous plans of how we learn and grow until we die, Amen

A sound mind makes for a robust body, but runaway emotions corrode the bones

Proverbs 14:30 (The Message)

“I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated”. I hear that a lot, and I understand where that thinking comes from. Many of my clients do not want to say that they are feeling angry. There is nothing wrong with owning that we have anger, but somehow, we want to minimize that. Calling our anger “frustration” is a way to call anger another name.

I think the formula looks like this: Frustration = Anger + Sadness + Disappointment. The disappointment somewhat dampens the sense of anger in that our expectations have not been met. We don’t feel that we have the right to be angry just because our expectations have been dashed. We have a mixture of feelings which we label frustration.

I am not saying that this is inaccurate. The label of frustration seems to be a reasonable definition of the feeling. I delve into this discussion so that we can clearly, honestly, and accurately label our emotions. Self-awareness of our emotions, and willingness to own them, is a very healthy practice. Sometimes, I ask my clients to keep a “feeling log” of those emotions so that we can really look into exactly what emotions they are experiencing at the moment.

It is a good practice. On all levels, the truth sets us free. So, as we start the year, maybe consider keeping track of your emotions, and the triggers for them. It is helpful to be aware of what is really happening with us so that we can own our emotions, and make sure that we are not blaming others for the things that we are responsible for.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the freedom and the experience of our emotions. Help us to own them and manage them for our good and your glory, Amen.