Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt                                          Abraham Lincoln

But even so their evidence conflicted. So, the High Priest himself got up and took the center of the floor. “Have you no answer to make?” he asked Jesus. “What about all this evidence against you?” But Jesus remained silent and offered no reply.                                                       Mark 14:59-61

The value of silence. I have written a number of times about Job, and that when Job had all his troubles, his friends came and just sat with him without saying a word. Job felt their presence and he was comforted, even though they didn’t speak.

Jesus, standing before his wild-eyed accusers, who were making up vicious and untrue stories about him at the time of his crucifixion, was silent. In so doing, he gained power. They became desperate, angrier- and louder. There is an old saying that some attorneys have- When you have the facts, pound the facts. When you have no facts, pound the table! Somehow, we believe that if we just get louder, we can be heard better. The truth? The softer we speak, and the less we speak, the more people listen.

I am reminded of Jesus being silent before his accusers. We recall the dignity and character of Jesus as he was falsely accused. He knew who he was, and he knew the truth. That is what mattered to him.

So, as we engage others in disputes or disagreements, the discipline of silence and soft words has high value.

People can often hear our words better when they are unspoken.

Prayer: Lord, give us discernment about how and when to speak, Amen

Verb: (used without object)

to feel, show, or express grief, sorrow, or regret.

to mourn deeply.

Noun:

an expression of grief or sorrow.

a formal expression of sorrow or mourning, especially in verse or song; an elegy or dirge.                                                                                                       

(Dictionary.com)

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge                                 Psalm 62:8

There are situations in our personal life, and in world events where the only response we have is “lament”. This word is either a noun or a verb, depending on the usage and intent. We can actively lament something e.g., mourning, or have deep regret, for example. We can also be in a “state of lament” and perhaps in that state, express it, as the definition suggests, in a formal way.

Either way, it is important to become aware of this lament and own it. As I have stated before, some emotions come out in ways that are not good indicators of the true feelings inside. For example, fear may come out looking like anger. Sadness may come out as sullenness or withdrawal, and so on.

There are numerous instances in the Bible where people like David, and Jeremiah, Amos, and many others described their state of lament. They cried out to God for various situations wherein they saw themselves as helpless, and in the pain of mourning or deep sadness.

Getting in touch with our state of lament is healthy and important. Often, world situations such as the horrific invasion of Ukraine, mass shootings, dire poverty, and natural disasters cry out for lament. Personal tragedies such as a devastating illness also can bring us to a state of lament.

Lament does not necessarily mean “helpless”, but it is a recognition of the current suffering we face. That recognition may help us to share it with others, and get the help and support we need at the time.

So, we come to realize that lament is part of life, and that we are not alone in it.

Prayer: Lord, you have designed a crucial plan where you are our refuge in times of trouble, Amen

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.                                                                   Psalm 121:1-2

The Psalm verse referenced above reminds us to “look up” to where our help comes from. I don’t know about you, but when I am faced with a task, or a problem, I tend to literally and figuratively look ahead. This implies that I need to “plow ahead”- you know, just put your head down and plow forward.

The metaphor comes, I suppose, from the rugged and numbing work of plowing a field, especially when the work implements were just a hand plow and an ox. That was hard work, and the instructions were to keep your head down and keep plowing. I have inculcated that into much of what I do, as have many in my generation, and the generations before me.

Keep your head down and plow ahead!

However, there is value in recognizing that our real help comes from looking up. Churches, especially in the Middle Ages and Renaissance, were built to bring our eyes up- clear up to the amazing ceilings and vaults high above our heads. The magnificent structures that took decades, even centuries in some cases to build, were monuments to the glory of a God who was above.

So, lifting up our eyes to the One who can give us the help we need, especially when our own efforts are insufficient, is a pretty good idea.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be looking up to you and not just trying to face things alone in our own efforts, Amen

The generous will themselves be blessed,
    for they share their food with the poor.                                                         Proverbs 22:9

Jesus said that he came to fulfill the law, not to destroy it. His words to his followers reinforced the essential doctrines of the need to care for our fellow man as set forth in the Old Testament. Time and again Jesus, and then his followers, set forth the need to display love for others, especially those who are suffering, afflicted, and in need of the help of others to navigate a difficult world.

Professing faith is not the same as practicing faith, as my friend Mike Slaughter would say. James, in his New Testament letter, warned that faith that does not produce good visible effects, is not the kind of faith that is effective. Indeed, what the world needs to see from Christians is faith in action- faith that shows love and compassion for a broken world.

THAT faith saves, and demonstrates the heart of God.

Prayer: Lord, help us to truly put into practice what we profess, Amen

 He called, “Any fish, boys?”

“No,” we replied.

 Then he said, “Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you’ll get plenty of them!” So we did, and couldn’t draw in the net because of the weight of the fish, there were so many!

John 21:5-7

I was talking with a friend the other day about grace. Specifically, we talked about grace that is invisible to us until we are enabled to see it. I suggested that the key to have the lens to see such grace is humility.

We were talking about the incident when Jesus told Peter, (after Peter and others had spent a whole night of fruitless fishing), to cast his net on the other side of the boat. Peter, a fisherman by profession, must have been taken aback when this itinerant preacher and part-time carpenter, gave him fishing advice.

Peter did as Jesus suggested, and he came up with the biggest haul of his life. He received the grace of a bounty of fish that had heretofore been hidden from him. Peter’s decision to accede to the directions of a non-fisherman took some humility. This came from Peter’s trust of Jesus, as well as perhaps a sense of “Well, I’ve got nothing to lose” thinking. Who knows?

I do suggest that it took humility on Peter’s part to cast that net where Jesus said to. Humility is the mindset- “There are things people can teach me. I don’t have all the answers.”

Teachable people are humble people. They are successful ones too.

Prayer: Thank you for the hidden graces that await us as we trust in you, Amen.

Since you have been chosen by God who has given you this new kind of life, and because of his deep love and concern for you, you should practice tenderhearted mercy and kindness to others.

Colossians 3:12 (Living Bible)

In the past, I have written about how God has chosen to limit himself when he created human beings. He chose to give us the free will to accept him and his grace, or we can reject that grace and proceed along doing whatever we want in life. That freedom is an amazing gift, but it also comes with responsibilities. There are consequences for the choices that we make.

At the same time, we can limit God. We can opt out of the power given to us to have great impact in the world. We do this by not recognizing or accepting that we are made in His image, and that we have his Spirit as an advocate and guide for us. We can limit him by not trusting that he loves us like he says that he does.

Often, I talk with people who say that they have a hard time believing that God cares about them or that he loves them. They feel that God is distant, or that they are unworthy of his love. We all can understand that. As we see our own fallen nature, we feel unworthy of the love of the perfect God. Yet, God’s love for us is not dependent upon our feelings. His promise stands whether or not we feel loved. Indeed, many people feel unlovable for many reasons, such as early trauma, rejections, or guilt over how they have acted toward others.

As I say often, just because we feel something does not make it true. Faith is taking God at his word, whether or not we understand it. Grace is unmerited favor, so do not try to understand that concept with mere logic. Just accept the love God has for you. If we don’t, we have limited God’s best for us.

Prayer: Thank you for your amazing love for us! Amen

Though I am the least deserving of all God’s people, he graciously gave me the privilege of telling the Gentiles about the endless treasures available to them in Christ.                       Ephesians 3:8

This verse has always struck me. Paul a giant of the faith, one who had a deeply moving experience with God on the road to Damascus, calls himself “the least deserving” of all God’s people. Was this false humility? I don’t think so. Paul, who had also said that he had a “thorn in the flesh” from which he had not been delivered, was a man, I believe, deeply beset by a sense of shame.  

I am not a Bible scholar, and this is strictly an amateur opinion of mine. Paul was a man who lived a life deeply committed to Jesus, and was also deeply flawed. Sounds like a guy I would really like and could relate to.

Paul had persecuted Christians, and he had been present at the stoning of Stephen, an early martyr. Stephen’s last words were: “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.

If you are present, indeed complicit, in the murder of a person who is praying for your soul while you stand by assenting to that death, I have to believe that it leaves a deep impression. Was this really the moment that prepared Saul (before he became Paul) to see that those Christians were a different kind of people?

Maybe Paul, remembering those haunting words, saw himself, even after his redemption, as a man with scars. Maybe those scars were remnants of incomplete self-forgiveness. Who could blame him? Yes, he was forgiven by an amazing grace. Yet, he knew what he did. He knew that old Saul was still part of his story. 

I don’t know. This is complete speculation on my part. But I think there is something to it. We all know what we have done, better than anyone else ever can. Yes, we are forgiven, but maybe there is a part of us that always reminds ourselves of that past, however forgiven it might be.

My point? Don’t be too hard on yourself if you still harbor some lingering elements of self-unforgiveness. You are in good company. But remember also, that God is not the one remembering those faults. His plan is for us to have complete forgiveness, including forgiving ourselves.

 In the words of the old comic strip character Pogo- “we have met the enemy, and the enemy is us”

Prayer: Thank you for the truth that you have forgiven our sins “as far as the east is from the west”, Amen.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”                                                Matthew 22:37-40

 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:                                                              Deuteronomy 6:4-6

When Jesus was asked the question, “What is the greatest commandment in the law?”, he responded with a quote from Deuteronomy- “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” 

Jesus responded with this very familiar quote from the book of Deuteronomy- a quote which every Jewish person could immediately understand, and indeed, quote from memory. This is part of the “Shema”,Hebrew for “I hear”, a memorized saying that was dear to the Jewish heart and mind.

Jesus had said that he did not come to do away with the Law, but rather to complete it. The Law of love is one that is a commandment, not a feeling. Do you note that the commandment starts with “Love the Lord”. It is a direct command to love God, not to have some emotional response.

Similarly, when we decide to marry our spouse, we commit to loving them. We make a decision to love them, “in good times and bad”, etc. We make a decision to love.

I noted this with some clients the other day who have been struggling with marriage problems. I pointed out to them that they had decided, at one point, to love one another, not to ride the roller coaster of emotions that some couples seem to equate with marital love. The clients agreed that, despite their troubles, they had decided to love one another, and had committed to that the day that they were married. Indeed, maybe that is what has sustained them.

My point is simply this. We are human, and we will disappoint our partner with our actions, attitudes and behaviors at times. This will happen because we are human. We make a decision to love our spouse, even when it is hard to do. After all, we are not always loveable, and we need love the most when we are the least loveable. (If I were a preacher, I might say, “Can I get an Amen?”)

Don’t worry, I am not a preacher, but I do try to speak truth to my clients. Love in hard times is just that- hard. We do it because we have committed to do it, not necessarily because we feel it at that moment.  So, “Love one another”, even when it doesn’t “feel” right.           

It is right.

Prayer: Lord, help us to love one another, even when it is hard to do, Amen

The world of the generous gets larger and larger;
    the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.

 The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed;
    those who help others are helped.

Proverbs 11:24-25 (The Message)

As we grow and mature from infancy to adulthood and finally into our senior years, our world should get larger, not smaller. When a baby is born, the world essentially centers around that baby, and rightly so. All attention is given to the care, nurture and safety of that precious child. As the child gets older, her world gets larger. More people come into her life- maybe a new sibling; daycare playmates; pre-school peers, etc. She needs to learn to share her space with others.

As we get older still, we must share more things with others, and we must learn to be socially aware. We begin to understand that there are many others in the world, and that the world is not here to cater to my needs.

As we get older still, we continue to learn about this marvelous world. We understand that there is always something new to learn, and that others are on that journey with us who may need our help.

Even as we get older still, we need to be ready to learn new things to expand our world. The book of Proverbs talks about one way to expand our world through generosity. The paradox it explains is that the more we help, the more we are helped.

Pretty amazing, right?

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your marvelous plans of how we learn and grow until we die, Amen

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way                                                                                                                                                                     James 1:2-3 (The Message)

In the counseling world, and indeed much of the media, trauma and its effects have been getting a great deal of attention in recent years. Of course, we recall that after the Vietnam War, PTSD was introduced as the term that diagnostically captures the effects of trauma in soldiers returning from conflict. In earlier wars, terms such as “shell shock” and “combat fatigue” tried to describe the devastation of the horrors of conflict.

Trauma however, is ubiquitous in human life. Every one of us has faced a trauma (and often, many) in our lives. I use that term, because trauma need not be catastrophic to be called “trauma”. Trauma is any event or prolonged stress exposure that makes significant changes in our lives, and even in how our brains work. Yes, it literally changes how we think and perceive.

We must also avoid trying to gauge “how traumatic” an event is in the lives of others. Judging how “your trauma is more significant than my trauma” (or vice versa) is both futile and pointless. If someone has experienced events that they believe are traumatic, then they are traumatic events in their life.

I say all this to recognize that trauma changes our life, and typically imprints sustained memory of the events(s). How we handle that trauma is the key. How do we respond? Do we seek help for it? Do we keep it a dark secret? Do we let it define our life negatively? Do we seek potentially destructive behaviors to try to deal with it?

There are many healthy, and unhealthy, ways to respond to trauma in our life. In future blogs, I will explore some of these responses.

Prayer: Lord, give us wisdom as to how to respond to life events that can so change our world, Amen