Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry James 1:19 (New Living Translation)
I try to use the metaphors that clients themselves bring up in counseling. It is usually an indicator of how they are seeing things, and by getting into that line of thinking myself, it helps me to align with the client.
I recently spoke with a client who feels that she is constantly in a battle. Often, she is battling with her own mind, being overly self-critical. She deals with self-defeating anxiety, which can feel relentless. I talked with her about ways to bring more peace into her life, and to not look at life like battles to be fought. She is worn out often, because she is hypervigilant, just like a soldier on the front lines of battle.
I pointed out that soldiers are periodically removed from the front lines to the rear in order to get a respite from the deadly tension and fear that they live with daily. We need respites in order to be more effective in the fight.
More importantly, I told her, battles can be won sometimes by avoiding them altogether. George Washington, in leading the Continental Army, won the Revolution, often by avoiding conflicts, making strategic withdrawals, and even evading battles where he knew he was outmanned and did not hold tactical advantage.
It may seem paradoxical to win a battle by not engaging in it, yet such strategy is sometimes exactly what is called for. By viewing situations through a different lens, we can sometimes have more clarity. By choosing not to engage in certain situations, we can save ourselves from the trauma of “either/or” thinking.
The client stated that it helped when I used the battle framework, because she felt “heard” by me. That was the goal, and I am glad that it resonated with her.
Prayer: Lord, help us to listen to truly understand, Amen
Reflections of a Counselor 