Powerless?

We felt we were doomed to die and saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good, for then we put everything into the hands of God, who alone could save us, for he can even raise the dead. II Corinthains 1:9

Often when I speak with clients, and they appear to be angry, or if I ask them how they are feeling, they may say, “I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated!” It is interesting that we would rather not identify a feeling we are having as anger- we label it as something else. I suppose it is more acceptable to be feeling frustrated than feeling angry.

I often explain to my clients that frustration is actually a combination of anger plus the perceived loss of power. So, frustration is a little more complex than just anger. It actually is somehow worse, because we also then feel unable to go about acting on the difficult situation we may be in.

Sometimes it helps if we can more clearly identify the complex feelings we are having. We can own the idea that we are angry, and we can also clarify that we also are feeling helpless at the time. Usually, we are not totally helpless. There are things that we can do so that we feel more agency in directing ourselves or regulating our emotions. Indeed, sometimes it is merely acceptance of the fact that we cannot do anything to change our current situation. However, we can decide to accept our situation, and that in itself gives us some sense of having the ability to make the decision to accept.  

This reminded me of Viktor Frankl, who famously said of his Nazi captors- “They may control everything about my situation, but they cannot control my attitude about it.”

Prayer: Lord, help us when we feel powerless, knowing that you are always in control, Amen