Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
I Corinthians 13:6-8
I recently had a discussion with a client about the tension between control and trust. It seems that the more control we seek, the less we trust. The more trust we have, the less need for control. When we seek to have a lot of control, it does not usually come from a position of trust- it is from a position of fear. People, religions, governments, etc. which try to exert high control seem to have little trust in the inherent nature of themselves or their mission if it must be maintained by force.
For example, during the Inquisition period, the Church would seek out “heretics” or “infidels” or “witches”, and through torture or coercion of some type, try to bring that person back into the “right beliefs” of the Church. Beginning in the 13th Century until the early 17th Century, such practices waxed and waned in Europe. The net effect was not only failure to control the thinking of people, it left a permanent stain on the institutional Church.
If we rely upon some type of external control, violent or subtle, in order to ensure compliance to certain beliefs, we have given up on faith and trust, and leaned into control. So, it is true in relationships as well. Partners who do not trust the other partner will try to control the other’s behavior- directly or indirectly. The result is less trust, more distance, and resentment.
We seem to naturally want to control so many things around us, but control is elusive and often selfish. Trust is the better way to maintain and enhance relationships.
Prayer: Lord, help us to trust more and try to control less, Amen
Reflections of a Counselor 