After the Affair…

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you                                             II Corinthians 13:11

I recently talked with a client whose husband had an affair. She talked about the concepts of forgiveness and trust, and she was unsure of how she felt about how to proceed with him. She asked if forgiveness preceded trust, or if trust precedes forgiveness. I replied that forgiveness come first, because that is what she can control. She can decide to forgive him, and that it is both a one-time and daily process.

Yes, we make a decision to forgive, but we need to regularly remind ourselves of that forgiveness as thoughts and hurts come to mind, as they inevitably will. Trust is built by the offender over time. It is a difficult and often painful process, but it can be rebuilt. It is built by a long-term pattern of small promises kept, personal accountability, and transparency.

Rebuilding a marriage or relationship that has been broken by an affair is a long and hard process. Many relationships cannot weather such a trauma. The ones that do are marked by two committed persons who have decided to do some very hard work. I have seen numerous heroic couples repair a broken relationship to a point where their current state is now better than the original relationship. Unfortunately, the success rate is not as high as the failure rate.

There is hope, but it is marked with hard work, commitment, and spiritual dependence, as well as good social and family supports.

It is worth the effort.

Prayer: Thank you for the healing available in forgiveness and trust, Amen