A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger,
but an unkind answer will cause more anger. Proverbs 15:1
I recently spoke with a couple about their style of communication and we discussed some ideas of how to improve it. I suggested to them that it is often better to ask questions than make comments. Rather than speculating on the mood or intentions of a partner by saying something like “You look angry”, it might be more helpful to say “You look upset, are you OK?”
Often in the course of a conversation that seems to be getting a bit heated, there is a need to slow things down. Emotions can easily overtake cognitive reasoning in the course of defending oneself from a perceived attack. “Slowing the train down” at that point is important. Sometimes use of a fun code word can signal the need for a pause to regain composure. I have had clients come up with some great nonsense words to interject to make a pause in the growing heat of hurtful words. Use your imagination on this one!
All this to say, just one of the partners in the discussion can invoke the word, and a pause needs to take place to give time for a break. This made me think of the Proverb and the wisdom it contains – A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger.
Prayer: Lord, help us to pause when we are moved to anger, Amen
Reflections of a Counselor 