Projections

I recently spoke with an older couple who were having some communication problems. I was pointing out to the wife that she often projects her own assumptions about her husband’s wants and needs. For example, she believes that it is her job to provide a good meal to him when he returns from work. This stresses her, because he is not very forthcoming about what he wants- he just figures that she will do a good job, because he thinks she always does. In fact, he does not want to stress her with any expectations, because she tends to worry and become self-critical. Unfortunately, his lack of communication causes her stress!

His lack of communication about what he wants is interpreted by her as his being dissatisfied. When we got this into the open, he said to her, “Your assumptions of what I need are much greater than my expectations- I don’t want you to stress out, I’m worried about you”. She laughed at his statement, saying, “He doesn’t say much, but when he does, he’s pretty good at it!”

Would that such communication discussions were all this easy! The point is, however, when we make assumptions, we are often projecting our values onto someone else. It’s easy to project our feelings on to others because they are so close to us, so obviously true to us, that we assume others must think the same way.

This was another reminder to me that everyone does not think the same way I do. Well, diversity of thought is so healthy, we ought to embrace it more often!

Prayer: Lord, help us move beyond our own thinking to embrace other views, Amen