Own It

 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye                                    Matthew 7:3-5

I recently saw a client who is struggling in her marriage. As we talked it became clear that she was feeling resentment for being manipulated by her husband over many years of her marriage. She also recognized that she was complicit in this, allowing such behavior because she is a pleaser who tries to avoid arguments.

After much discussion, she saw that those resentments were her responsibility. Yes, she had allowed her husband’s manipulations, yet she harbored resentments. We discussed the fact that she could control her reactions to his manipulative behavior. He is not a bad man, or even a bad husband, but he does have his own problems, which get played out on her. He needs his reckoning, but that is his responsibility to own. She will not be able to force it on him.

Once she realized that she did have control- of her own reactions, not his behavior- she felt a sense of relief. She will be more aware of her own reactions and feelings in the future. She will give up trying to “read his mind” to ensure that he feels OK, because she is not responsible for his feelings, only her own.

I love it when client’s take good ownership of their own feelings and behaviors, and do not cast blame on others. Yes, we are all broken, and we do things that are selfish and hurtful. When we can take ownership of that, and change our own response, and not expect that we can change others, we get peace.

Prayer: Lord, help us to own our own responses before we blame others, Amen.