There used to be a TV commercial for Fram Oil Filters years ago that featured a mechanic who wanted to replace the customer’s oil filter. The mechanic grinned at the reluctant customer and said, “You can pay me now, or you can pay me later!” The implication of course was that the small cost of preventive maintenance now (having a Fram Oil Filter installed), would prevent a larger cost of rebuilding the engine later. Lots of truth to that concept, both in car maintenance as well as relationships.
I recently had a session with a client who was receptive and insightful about his marriage situation. He often feels controlled often by his wife, but he is also a very calm and “laid back” guy who goes with the flow easily in most aspects of his life. We discussed the fact that he values peace very much and he really likes to avoid conflict. He appears to be very accommodating to his wife in order to have that sense of peace.
He began to recognize, however, that this was his method of control. As long as he was the one giving away control in certain areas, he was fine. However, if he felt that control was being taken from him, or that he was being manipulated, he became resentful. He tended to carry this around much more that he realized because he saw himself as a very calm and accommodating person.
The client began to see that he had harbored years of resentment in the recesses of his heart until he had become aloof and emotionally disconnected from his wife. As I have said before, if we put off dealing with our emotions, we just have to deal with it later, but by then there is an interest charge- resentments, emotional blunting, and isolation being some of those interest charges.
So, that old adage is true- we can pay now, or we can pay later!
Prayer: Lord, help us to see the cost of putting things off, or even denying their presence in our life, Amen.
Reflections of a Counselor 