Without wise leadership, a nation is in trouble; but with good counselors there is safety.             Proverbs 11:14

Being a counselor, I of course advocate for people to get counseling. It is a normal, helpful tool that anyone can benefit from. Over the years, the stigma of going to counseling has decreased markedly, and that is a very good thing. There is no big secret about how or why counseling works. You get to talk with someone who is going to listen to you- hear your story- in order get rapport and show respect in order to help you through some of life’s difficult times. They will help you to see things objectively, and will give you feedback about that. They will be honest, and they will be loving in their approach.

As I have said numerous times, deciding to go to counseling can be difficult because people may not know what to expect. They may fear showing vulnerability, and yet that is the very essence of human healing. Acknowledging (not admitting, acknowledging– big difference when you think about that) that we are vulnerable and in need of help is a courageous step, not a sign of weakness. It is the beginning of a healthy journey.

My job as a counselor is not to judge you, but to engage with you to find solutions for problems. It is to come alongside you as a support and also an accountability person to keep you on track. Frankly, our job as counselors is to show God’s love to people as human vessels of support, encouragement, and engagement.

Yes, we have developed tools to diagnose and treat clinical conditions that need treatment- things like anxiety, depression, trauma recovery, mood disorders, relationship problems, and many more issues. We will refer to helpful resources, and typically, we will refer our clients to doctors for a physical examination, and/or to psychiatry for medication if needed. We will give homework, and we will ask for accountability on that work. The work of counseling is not all played out in the counseling session, it is effected through the work of the client outside the counseling venue.

I mentioned earlier that we acknowledge our vulnerability, not admit to it. You see, admission has the connotation of wrong doing. Acknowledgment is acceptance of a purely human condition. See the difference? Yes, words matter!

So, if I have opened the door just a little to make counseling a good alternative, I have done my job.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us one another to share the journey marked out for us. Give us wisdom in helping others along the path, Amen.

Jesus watched him go and then said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God.”                Luke 18:24-25

This passage from the book of Luke took place after Jesus had told a rich man that he needed to sell everything and give the money to the poor. Then he was to follow Jesus. That was what Jesus said he needed to do in order to get to heaven. The rich man had turned away- the price of following Jesus was too high. Then Jesus made that statement about it being easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.

I think the point here is that it is impossible to get to heaven on our own merits- even if we did sell everything, give the money to the poor, and say that we are following Jesus. No amount of good deeds, generous gifts, or grand gestures can merit the grace to get into heaven.

But I think what Jesus was pointing out to the rich man was a condition of his soul that said the man was not willing to rest on the merits of anyone other than himself. He may have been a “self-made man” in his own eyes. He was used to finding out the cost of what he wanted, and then making the purchase. The cost of his soul was something he could not pay. Only the grace of Jesus can do that.

But let’s think about our own hearts before we judge the “rich man” in this story. The vast majority of those who read this would be considered “rich people” by any worldly standard. Are we really “selling out” everything in order to find the justice for others that Jesus asked? Do we conveniently donate to causes for others or are we “all in” to make this world a better place for all God’s children?

Prayer: Lord, help us to see where we can be the instruments of peace and justice in this world, Amen

 Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds                                             John 12:24

These last beautiful days of October allowed me to take a walk in a state park. I took in the spectacular views of changing leaves, and I experienced first-hand once again the cycle of life. In the woods, things are always dying- and also coming to life. In fact, they do that in a cycle, as we are aware. There is no new growth without the old passing away and passing life on.

As I walked under fallen pine trees, the signs of new little pine seedlings peeked up all around the base of the fallen tree. On the rotting carcass of another fallen tree grew fungi, feeding off the decaying cellulose.

I participated myself in this cycle of life, albeit unwillingly. You see, the mosquitos, recognizing that their chance to breed was down to a few precious hours, swarmed up when my partner and I walked by, and they went for my neck for a blood meal to ensure the success of a new batch of little mosquito critter pests. They needed my blood to complete the breeding cycle. Unfortunately, I am sure that I helped a few to live for another generation. On the other hand, I know that Iprevented a few more generations with some successful swatting!

So there is it folks in a nutshell. We are all in the life and death game. Death begets new life, and inevitably returns to earth again.  What a miracle our Creator brought about!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the plan of death bringing about new life, Amen

I was speaking with a client recently about his communication with a person he is seriously dating from a distance. We talked about some of the miscommunications that can come from reliance upon texting for communication. Texting, by definition is a short fast medium meant to convey mostly factual information. It is not always very good about communicating emotional content. Texting has its place, and it can be very effective as far as it goes. However, for conveying something deeper, more intimate, handwritten letters are great.

Yes, very old school- but it is effective.

The beauty of a handwritten letter is that it slows things down so that meaning can be absorbed. In the hyper fast world of texting, instant response is often expected. That response may be hurried, lacking nuance, and certainly, it does not by its very nature communicate warmth and intimacy.

Handwritten letters can convey some weight. They take time to reach the recipient, and they can be received with a sense of warmth. You are holding a piece of paper that was handled by that person with whom you are corresponding. You are seeing how they formed letters, and you can respect the amount of time and effort that it took to compose the letter. There was a process, a somewhat cumbersome process, involved in that person reaching out to you. That letter was crafted with forethought. Time was taken to say what they wanted to convey, and you as recipient have time to process the information before you respond yourself. It slows down the process, but it also deepens it.

In the classic Ken Burns documentary, old letters helped us to learn about the Civil War in a very personal way. Burns gathered a great deal of history from those letters, and more importantly, he explored the perceptions and thoughts of those people who were affected by the war. These were beautiful, poignant letters preserved through history, which helped to make that history come alive. Those handwritten letters were a lens into the thinking and feeling of people who had poured their hearts into the written word.

We of course cannot rely upon handwritten letters as our primary or expected mode of communication. However, there is something to be said about that “old school” way of communication that we can still use to great effect in a world where instant communication does not always hit the mark very well.

We can easily be distracted into despair if we dwell on the news of the day. Bad news in every corner. So, when I walk, and turn off the podcast, I can enjoy the present that surrounds me. It is good for the soul.

Today, I was struck as I walked around in the last few days of the beautiful Autumn weather here in the upper Northern Hemisphere. The trees are a splash of incredible color, with deep scarlet leaves contrasting with hues of yellow, amber, gold, and green. I wondered how I could keep that image in my mind as the days of Winter slowly descend on us. I took some pictures, of course, and that helps me to feel that I have done something to preserve the image.

Then I realized that the pictures will never totally capture the scene. The scene before me must be appreciated in the present. This moment lasts only briefly, but it is the present reality to be embraced. The point I reminded myself of was this- embrace this moment. Stand and appreciate the beauty at hand. Sure, capture it in a photo, but don’t be fooled that sometime later this will give the comfort of right now. Enjoy this moment. Savor it, and be grateful for it.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the beauty of the present moment- a gift of your creation, Amen

What happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven! What joys when sins are covered over! What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God has cleared their record  Psalm 32:1-2 (Living Bible)

I recently met with a dear young couple who are having relationship problems. There are a host of core issues, and both come to the marriage with some significant trauma of abuse in their family of origin. They hurt one another when they argue, and those old wounds are triggered fairly easily.  

We discussed the issue of forgiveness, and we went into some depth. I discussed with them that there is a difference between asking for forgiveness and apologizing. An apology from the offending party is only a partial remedy, because it lets the offender keep the results in his/her hands. In other words, by simply saying “I’m sorry” there may be a tacit understanding that they have sufficiently remedied the problem by owning it and apologizing.

On the other hand, if the offender asks the offended party to grant forgiveness, that puts the locus of control into the hands of the offended. They have been empowered to forgive (or not), and it restores to them some of the dignity lost in the offense.

The other issue that this brings up is the motive for the apology/asking for forgiveness. If the motive is simply to end the discussion or argument, or to alleviate guilt, that motive is incomplete. If the motive is remorse for the wrong that was done- that is, recognition that the offender’s actions have hurt someone they care about, sorrow ensues, and we want the other to be nurtured and cared for- that is a proper and healing place to begin restoration.

These two people have been hurt, and they sometimes cause hurts, but they are remorseful, insightful, and teachable.

This young couple will do fine.

Prayer: Lord, you are the author of forgiveness. Thank you for that foundational process, Amen

The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust                                    Psalm 103:13-14

I love Psalm 103, and I often prescribe this as a reading assignment to my clients. I especially like the verses above, which depict God as the loving father who is drawing his children to him. Years ago, a friend painted a picture of these verses which has stuck with me. It is that of the father of a toddler, just learning to walk. The father has his arms outstretched to the child, urging him/her on, encouraging the child when they stumble, picking them up when they fall.  The father does not yell at the child for incompetence- they are still a child. He draws them to him as an encouragement, knowing that this is a stage of development.

So, I like to think of God the father as this encourager. He remembers that we are dust, and I am glad for that. I think God wants us to know how much he loves us, and he is pleased when we acknowledge that. You parents who are reading this understand that it gives us great pleasure when our kids know how much we love them.  

I see too many clients who question whether there is a loving God, much less one who personally loves them. Sometimes we all do struggle with lovability. There are times when we feel unworthy of love, and do not even love ourselves.

That is when we need the experience of being loved the most.

Prayer: Thank you Father for loving us like little children. Indeed, we are children dependent upon you, Amen.

Just a little thought today, dear readers. I was recently speaking with a client who is changing in his ministry calling. He is going to be leaving church work and working in a secular setting, but one where he can use his years of wisdom and experience to help people other than “church folks”.

This is quite a departure for him and he is questioning what that change will be like. I assured him, knowing him pretty well, that he is more than equipped to do a wonderful job. He cares about people, he has a calming, serene presence, and he is a devoted follower of Jesus- not simply a professional preacher.

I just left him with this: “If you want to let people know about Jesus, just be Jesus to them”.  

That’s it. The gospel in a sentence, I think.

Love to all…

There used to be a TV commercial for Fram Oil Filters years ago that featured a mechanic who wanted to replace the customer’s oil filter. The mechanic grinned at the reluctant customer and said, “You can pay me now, or you can pay me later!” The implication of course was that the small cost of preventive maintenance now (having a Fram Oil Filter installed), would prevent a larger cost of rebuilding the engine later. Lots of truth to that concept, both in car maintenance as well as relationships.

I recently had a session with a client who was receptive and insightful about his marriage situation. He often feels controlled often by his wife, but he is also a very calm and “laid back” guy who goes with the flow easily in most aspects of his life. We discussed the fact that he values peace very much and he really likes to avoid conflict. He appears to be very accommodating to his wife in order to have that sense of peace.

He began to recognize, however, that this was his method of control. As long as he was the one giving away control in certain areas, he was fine. However, if he felt that control was being taken from him, or that he was being manipulated, he became resentful. He tended to carry this around much more that he realized because he saw himself as a very calm and accommodating person.  

The client began to see that he had harbored years of resentment in the recesses of his heart until he had become aloof and emotionally disconnected from his wife. As I have said before, if we put off dealing with our emotions, we just have to deal with it later, but by then there is an interest charge- resentments, emotional blunting, and isolation being some of those interest charges.

So, that old adage is true- we can pay now, or we can pay later!

Prayer: Lord, help us to see the cost of putting things off, or even denying their presence in our life, Amen.

Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life                      John 8:12

So technically, darkness is not a thing. Darkness is actually the absence of light. Just like cold is the absence of heat, dark is the absence of light. It takes energy to produce light and it takes energy to produce heat. No energy in a system means that it is dark and cold. It is dead.

I think about this stuff because I see that the physical world reflects the spiritual world. One could properly call this metaphysics I suppose, because it deals with the stuff of life that goes beyond the rules of physics and science. But I don’t want to get hung up on definitions. These are just my musings, and it connects my belief in God with my love of science.

God is the Creator of life, and he is the First Cause of all things. He is the energy that causes life. Where God’s energy is not welcomed or accepted, there is darkness. Where light does not prevail, darkness does. We know that night is typically a difficult time for people who are depressed, and also for people with dementia. Light is the great energizer, the hope of new and continued life.

Plants will literally lean into the light to gain more access to it. This phenomenon is called phototropism. Plants, by nature, seek the light. So, I think, should we. Light is healing. Sunlight, properly managed, is cleansing. Plants need light to grow and live, and so do we.

So, when Jesus said that he was the “light of the world”, he was quite serious, and quite correct. The light of the world is the life of the world.  

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the light, and your Son. Thank you for those gifts of light, Amen