Like a city that is broken into and without walls So is a person who has no self-control over his spirit. Proverbs 25:28
Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it. Proverbs 22:6
I was recently speaking with a couple about their 13-year-old son whom they described as “immature” and difficult to manage. The more we spoke, the more it appeared that this young man was quite manipulative, as well as attention seeking and essentially in control of the household. Both parents agreed wholeheartedly that this was the case. They were exhausted.
I talked about the concept of external control vs. internal control. Our job as parents is to provide adequate, secure and loving external control to our kids until they develop good internal controls. Children will resist external controls because, well, they are little humans!
We resist external control by nature. But it is essential that we have such external controls until we develop our own disciplines- our internal controls. Immature young people resist external control because they think they know better than their parents, or anyone else, what is good for them. I pointed this out to the couple. They had shared that their son became angry and threatening when they tried to implement boundaries for him. I suggested to them in my reply “As if he knows what is best for him”.
So, there it is. Learning disciplines- internal control- actually frees us to be trusted people. When we see in others that they have good internal controls, we recognize that they do not need much supervision to be successful. Those in charge got there, mostly, because they have demonstrated that they are trustworthy, and do not need as much scrutiny as others. They can be trusted.
Prayer: Lord, you have given us models of success, but the price is self-discipline, Amen
Reflections of a Counselor 