Name That Feeling…

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man

William Shakespeare (from Hamlet)

I often speak with clients about their ability to sort out the multiple emotions that they may be experiencing at any given time. Such self-awareness is an important factor in being emotionally healthy. Being honest about those feelings is also a measure of personal integrity- am I willing to honestly name those feelings and own them?

Sometimes I will just suggest some possible feelings people may be having about a certain situation. I may say, “Does that make you feel sad, angry, hurt, rejected…” Many times, people will say “All of the above”, which is understandable. I know that is their way to let me know that they are also feeling confused, and that they need to convey how overwhelmed they are feeling at the time. All of that is good information for me.

I also have seen the pattern so very often. People are reluctant to say that they are feeling angry. Perhaps this is a defensive position, or maybe people do not feel comfortable owning their anger. They will often say, “Well, I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated”.

I have come to understand the formula that frustration = anger + a sense of helplessness to change a situation. People feel anger, but they also feel that they cannot do anything about it. Let’s be clear though, there is an element of anger in frustration. And you know what? It’s OK to feel that way. In fact, it happens to us often.

Being able to accurately name, and then own our feelings, is a first step of self-awareness and self-acceptance. Naming a feeling does not change it necessarily, but it gives us a sense of control, in that we can really know what is going on with us so that we can then begin constructive ways to address our emotions.

So, harkening back to the old TV show, “Name That Tune”, I say let’s work on “Name that feeling”!